Life...or something like it

When the Devil comes knocking at your door

2009-09-19T14:59:00.004-04:00

I can deal with cancer and I can deal with college planning. I am having a hard time though dealing with a child who is being difficult and an ex that I invited to help. It always backfires in some way for me.

All the cancer surgeon asked me to do was eliminate stress and I've had nothing but stress for 2 weeks. A kid who is having difficulty adjusting to campus life. I wish I could be sympathetic but she's not having a hard time fitting in. It's more like the others kids don't measure up to her and her idea of friends. Hard to be sympathetic when dealing with a brat.

She wanted to drive to Providence to visit a friend at school last night. She's been a nightmare in some fashion each and every day. I called the ex to let him know her plans. He called her and told her she can't go. We didn't want her driving their alone, especially for the first time. It was rush hour and about 1-1/2 away.

Of course, she hates me more for telling him. He also told her to be home at a reasonable time last night and asked me to text him when she got home. She got home at 2:50 a.m. He came over today to talk to her and of course she wasn't receptive so he took the plates off her car. Mind you I own the car and its registered in my name. He took the plates with him, he said so I wouldn't cave in. I wouldn't but I'd like to have the plates here to the car that I own and insure.

We are in the works of buying her a much newer car. That topic came up while I was outside with him as he took the plates off the current car. He owes me about $2000 from April to June when she graduated. He doesn't seem to make an attempt to pay me. He told me that when we sell the current car that I can keep the money and we're even. I asked him how that was fair because it was my car. Well, that started a big long thing and him telling me that if I didn't agree he would call the lawyer forcing me to sell my house immediately to give him the remainder of the money I owe him. Child support ended when she graduated. I've been waiting for the money to make some minor repairs to put the house up for sale. He pretty much forces my hand and if I even question him he uses emotional blackmail and holds the house over my head.

He said I was giving him attitude for questioning him. I told him I wouldn't dare give him attitude because I know where it would end up and I continued to sob at the unfairness he throws around. Then he proceeded to say "you wanted the divorce" mind you loudly so the neighbors walking past the house could hear, "so now this is what you get."

I just quietly sobbed and walked in the house. Now knowing how much the kid hates me lately and dealing with the devil I let in to help parent his child. I should have known better.

I can't wait to wrap my head around emptying the house of unneeded stuff and repairing the things that need attention and moving so I never have to have him just walk in when he feels like it; what was once him domain.

College

2009-09-05T17:22:00.002-04:00

The kid is off to college....close enough to be home this weekend. I think its going well for her - first week - mood changes every couple days, LOL.

On a serious note, with Breast Cancer Awareness month around the corner, early detection is key! Don't put off those mammograms. I have a journey upon me that I am thinking of as another project in my already busy life. I'm happy to say that it was an early diagnosis but that doesn't change the fact that you hear the doctor's words 'malignant' and 'treatment.'

I usually don't share such personal stuff as this, but I'd like to get the point across to people to please keep your appointments, and schedule appointments annually if you don't already.

Updates

2009-03-04T08:50:00.004-05:00

I'm reading the Twilight series based on the recommendations of two friends. It's hard to put down!

It's frigid cold here, after our big snow storm on Monday, and I'm looking forward to this weekend's temperature of about 50 degrees. Current temp = about 18 degrees. It would be nice to be able to wash my car.

Mom's birthday is this weekend. My cousin is coming from New York and we'll surprise her with a little family party and do it up big because she deserves it after the year she had last year. Dad is doing well. My parents have begun planning family vacations for July and Thanksgiving due to his progress. They want all of us to be together before my daughter goes to college and my niece goes off to boarding school.

It's been busy at work and busy at home and I've been trekking along.

18

2009-02-07T18:45:00.002-05:00

A Year of Milestones

2009-02-06T12:50:00.008-05:00

I turned 50 on January 20th. My sister has been trying to have a big birthday party for me since I was 30. The day before my 30th birthday my father-in-law passed away. She had to cancel my surprise birthday party. On my 40th she was trying to plan something and I could tell and I wasn't in a great place in my life at the time and didn't want a party. I did, but I didn't. So again, she started planning and wanted to do a back yard party last September to throw me off completely. But September was a bad month for dad in the hospital so she put that on hold. So in early January my oldest friend spilled the beans about my sister's plans and she spilled the beans in an attempt to get the party on hold until July when it would be her 50th. 'I don't think so' was spinning in my head and disappointed that she told me about my sister's plans because I love surprises and I wouldn't want anyone to go to any trouble. So I told my sister that the friend told me and of course she was disappointed. I told my sister I didn't want her to go to a lot of trouble and expense. Well the beau caught on to all of this and in his own thoughtful way overtook the whole thing but smartly didn't tell anyone. So last Saturday night I thought we were meeting two couples that we usually go to dinner with at a favorite restaurant. It was a long and tiring day and our reservations weren't until 8:00 p.m. I was dragging. For some unknown reason we couldn't pick up and ride with the friends as they were coming from different directions because the guys worked on Saturday until late...so I was told.

The beau could tell that I was dragging and didn't love that reservations were for 8:00 p.m. although I never said a word about it. We left the house and got to the restaurant just for 8 and were lucky enough to find a front row parking spot. We walk in and the place is crazy crowded and up against the back wall is 25 of my closest friends and I looked at the beau and said, "what is my sister doing here?" At this point, I still didn't get it. And then I said, "Why is she sitting next to your brother-in-law?" "She doesn't know him." and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Talk about slow on the uptake.

He planned the nicest party without a hitch. He couldn't stand the thought of me knowing about a party or helping plan my own party so he took over. It was a great party and I made a few friends at other tables by being a little crazy.

The beginning part of the day was a college tour that my daughter and I planned and we brought my sister and niece. The school is phenomenal and my daughter saw that in the informational part before the tour even began. It was so special that ten minutes in I started to well up with tears because I knew this was the school she belonged in and I wanted her to come to that realization on her own and I knew that she'd be safe and cultivated in this wonderful school. Now this school was about 3rd or 4th on her list so this was a pleasant surprise because by the end of the tour while I was talking to the admissions director, she blurts out "Ma, I wanna go here...what do I have to do?" Thank God the admissions director didn't hear her and I giggled and said, "You don't have to do a thing, they've already accepted you. We just have to send the confirmation letter in saying YES."

At the end of the tour we went into the bookstore and she wanted the hoody sweatshirt with the college name on it. She wore it all day that day with a big smile on her face.

So I was thrilled that she too could see how special this school was. It was a bit of a stretch because its an all girls school and I didn't think she'd bite. But this all girl's small catholic private school in contrast to all the state schools we visited impacted her as much as it impacted me.

My baby turned 18 yesterday. We've both been sick all week. She's been dragging butt to school as not to miss anything major. We're having a family party tomorrow and about 5 of her closest girlfriends are coming too. My sis and niece are still sick as well. I'm guessing last Saturday we were all getting sick and all together walking the campus in the frigid weather so that was the start of it. But my dad and mom, my ex and his mom, hopefully sis and her beau and my niece and the girlfriends will celebrate. My beau is headed to Florida to visit his daughter for her birthday. I have a wonderful chocolate cheesecake in the shape of an "18" and beautiful pink frosted chocolate cupcakes to go around it.

So my last Saturday was special because I was happy in the biggest sense of the word that my daughter found her college and that it was a pleasant surprise coming from fourth place into first place in standings of the schools she chose to apply at. After all of these months reciting what her first choice was. Everything happens for a reason. Her first choice college which we thought was a shoe-in has put her on a wait-list. Thank God she realized she loved the other place before she received the letter from the first choice.

And then being truly surprised at dinner was great. It was overwhelming.

Peaceful...

2009-01-31T19:14:00.002-05:00

...and happy.

Making a ton of chili for Super Bowl tomorrow and it smells good.

Went on a college visit today and this is a "surprise" school. It was 3rd on the daughter's list and today's visit was great and its a great school and she's already been accepted there and knows after today's visit that this is where she wants to go even though she hasn't heard from her #1 school yet.

Her #1 school is the only school we haven't heard from and I told her we waited this long, let's wait until we hear but I'm thrilled that she has picked today's school. It's an exceptional school and they have a lot to offer. I know she still will be excited to hear from that one last school but I knew today the first 10 minutes in that today's school is where she belongs and she saw it too.

the snow is coming

2009-01-10T15:29:00.001-05:00

We're due to get 10 inches of snow tonight. It's already started.

2008: The year in review

2009-01-01T11:50:00.002-05:00

The year blew by quickly, and at times seemed frozen in time, as dad's hospital stay took up most of the year and our time from April 24th through the week before Christmas! It tested everyone's mettle. All in all I'd say we did okay.

Everything this past year felt like the last time of everything for me because for me it all revolves around my daughter being a senior in high school and it's the last time we will do all these things. The last homecoming, the last prom, the last winter concert...etc. Possibly our last Christmas in this house. I need to see what I will do come the end of her school year. If I will stay in the house where we built all the memories or move on.

Moving on..........

The ex and I have become even closer friends this year. He called me last evening just to chat. I usually don't get too warm and fuzzy about it but I guess I should embrace it.

On the romantic front, I don't feel any closer to wanting a more permanent situation than I have in the past few years. Just not ready. I like things the way they are.

Work is okay and there are many changes happening. I'm okay with that. I think it might actually improve things. I have a superior who is incapable of making decisions and it drives all the staff crazy.

I've been toying with a New Year's resolution to not swear this year, or at least use the "F" word as I feel I may have overused it this past year. Frustration plays a big part in that! I shared this with a co-worker and she said "Why?" She thinks its an absolutely wonderful word and uses it more than I do. The ironic part is that she's such a conservative looking lady, strict Irish Catholic. I still think I need to make an effort to stop using that word and some associated with it.

Lastly, I need to pay more attention to me. I'm turning the big 5-0 in 19 days and I need to spend more time on what I want, pampering myself, being healthy of mind and body.

My girlfriends and I went out on Monday to celebrate the holidays and our mutual 50th birthdays and went to this little diner that doesn't look like much but had a wonderful menu. My one friend who is already 50 let the owner in on our birthdays and the whole diner sang to us. It was corny, it was funny, it was heart-warming. My girlfriend who I share a birthday with was teary-eyed the whole time as the birthday thing has her wigged out. She's not happy about her life, where she's been and where she's going. I can honestly say, there's nothing in the past that I regret or would change - its made me who I am. And not knowing what will happen in the future is okay too. I'm hoping and working towards making things the way I'd like them. I'm forging ahead. It may work out, it may not. I'll have to wait and see but I do know that I'm gonna keep forging ahead and trying to make the best out of it all. I'm hopeful.

Happy New Years! Forge ahead!

.

2008-12-31T09:15:00.002-05:00

NYC today

2008-12-28T20:44:00.006-05:00

I went to New York city today with the beau and his daughter and niece. It was such a warm day that you could wear a tee shirt and we did!

New York is so pretty at Christmas. We did whatever the girls wanted. We went to the wax museum, had lunch at Planet Hollywood, went shopping and then walked around and went to Rockefeller Center to see the Christmas tree.

I think the "Regal" is a theatre; I saw it from the wax museum and had to get a photo of it.

I hope your holidays were everything you hoped for.

College

2008-12-22T16:57:00.002-05:00

My daughter has been accepted at three of the seven colleges she applied at. We still need to hear from the others. It's very exciting...even if I don't know how I will pay for it!

Homecoming

2008-12-19T16:57:00.001-05:00

Dad came home last night. Mom said he slept like a baby. I asked mom if she slept. She said 'No, it was like I had a new baby in the house.'

So they say....

2008-12-14T11:45:00.002-05:00

...that dad will be coming home on Friday. If it doesn't happen Friday, it will be the following Monday.

Day OFF

2008-12-09T06:49:00.004-05:00

I need to take today to get a ton of stuff to do. The beau brought me a tree last night - I've not been in the decorating mood, but I will attempt to do that today too. I asked for a narrow tree and he did his best - its a pretty tree - just not too narrow.

I need to do some important paperwork today that's been pressing on my mind and I'm going to look at cars for my daughter. Her car that the beau passed down to her doesn't have anti-lock brakes and therefore sux on wet pavement. I almost got in an accident with it the other day. She admitted to me that she misses my Buick - that which she called a grandma car!

Dad has been doing well and just might be home for Christmas. We'll see.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T10:28:00.002-05:00

Dad's progress

2008-11-25T15:13:00.003-05:00

I'm told that dad walked up and down the hallway with a walker today! That's big!

Last week at the end of the first week they estimated that he'd go home in 6 to 8 weeks. I didn't expect him to be up on his feet bearing weight with a walker this soon. They are always surprised at his strength in his limbs. With a little luck, he'll go home sooner :)

The 81 year old surgeon who my sister has worked for the past 30 years and is a close family friend and assisted in this last surgery, did dad's first bypass 20 years ago, is getting married on January 24th and they want dad their.

Yes, I know, 81 years old and assisted....he is amazing. Three docs in their practice do what he did solely alone, each different specialty, years ago. They have him assist because of his skill and knowledge. He stayed in the O.R. all 16 hours of dad's surgery because he had the "blueprint" in his head of the rerouted arteries from 20 years prior.

Dad update

2008-11-16T16:37:00.005-05:00

Dad is doing well and continues to breathe without the vent or oxygen! He is actually ready to be transferred back to the 2nd place on Monday as they have an outstanding physical rehab as compared to a regular hospital in the way that they will see him every day for 2 hours a day, where in a hospital they may come 3 times a week for 30 minutes or an hour.

He took an "absence of leave" for two days...meaning, he wasn't himself at all and mostly slept and when he was awake he wasn't his typical character or behavior. I watched as mom tried to wake him on Friday evening. It took 30 minutes and then he was kind of agitated during his awake time and confused and paranoid.

Saturday morning before mom got to the hospital, one of the nurses told him he slept for two days. When mom got there, he told her what the nurse told him and said, "why didn't you wake me up?"

I know the physical therapy will be torture in the beginning for him. I'm hoping the special care place will follow what they are supposed to do in the way of maintaining his current state and not give him anything unnecessary.

It seems we won't be having Thanksgiving. I've cooked every year since I can remember but mom doesn't want anything to do with it. She plans on spending the day with him in the hospital. I offered to cook on Saturday instead of turkey day and she turned her nose up. But she's home around 6:30 p.m. anyway and I can't understand why we can't have some kind of celebration. The way I see it, we're lucky and have something to celebrate.

My girlfriend's all black German shepherd started having her puppies this morning at 9:15 a.m. She was up to 8 puppies by mid-afternoon. They've offered a puppy to me and I would love one but don't know how I possibly could. We'll see. I'm impartial to shepherds as I had a really intelligent, loyal one when I was first married. They own the male that sired her. Two really wonderful dogs.photo taken at 12:30 p.m. - 7 puppies at that time - one under her thigh and one under the puppy in the middle.

Seasons Change

2008-11-06T08:18:00.002-05:00

Dad has been off the ventilator for 10 days now and is doing well. He still has a little bit of a road ahead of him, but things are looking up. Once he is really stable we can then work on physical rehab. It's been 7 long months and he'll need rehab.

On the work front, there were layoffs this past Monday. I work for one of those companies that is getting a lot of press these days in regards to that industry and stocks and such. 500 layoffs this month alone and more to come throughout 2009.

I've been very busy with college admission stuff and am thankful that my kid has a really great guidance counselor who has been very helpful and very complimentary of the kid.

The beau's birthday is this month and I never know what to get him. Ugh!

F i n a l l y

2008-10-21T12:22:00.002-04:00

Dad was moved back to the original facility yesterday afternoon. I feel good about things.

They say: nothing they can't fix.

I just don't want to take any steps backwards.

The price of oil has come down. Yipee!

2008-10-20T11:38:00.003-04:00

But it's still high and the cold weather is here. My thermostat is on 62 degrees and it won't be going higher than that.

Think of it this way:

When i get my oil delivered, if they have to fill an empty tank, the oil will have taken 68% of my paycheck.

That's one paycheck for 2 weeks pay! And the oil delivery will take 68% of it!!!

That leaves one check to pay the mortgage and 32% of the other check that won't cover bills! You know, the over-priced water/sewer bill, the over priced electric bill, etc. etc.

just waiting...and waiting...and waiting

2008-10-14T15:49:00.003-04:00

Dad hasn't moved yet - the other hospital is at capacity so the wait has been a long one.

He now has shingles. The doc says it's brought on by stress. The poor guy. He's been managing stress well I must say.

Mom, however, had combat boots on today and was going in with a "kill" attitude. I'm sure heads will roll. She's upset that she noticed the rash and blisters and brought it to their attention (Shingles). It makes her wonder how long before they would have noticed. She was there yesterday when the order was placed for pain meds (he doesn't usually take anything) at 3pm, due to the Shingles and was upset to find out that they finally gave him something this morning.

I tried to tell her before she went to visit to say it nice, but all I got was "I don't need a lecture from you" which means she's determined to let them know she's pi$$ed.

So on and on we go.

seasons change

2008-10-06T18:15:00.002-04:00

Dad gets moved back to the original hospital tomorrow. There's nothing more that this special facility can do for him.

There's a doc at the hospital he's going to tomorrow that has shown interest in treating him. They will be more aggressive but at the expense of his kidneys. It has come to ' we might as well try it because we have no other options.' Dad agreed, because after all it's up to him.

Pressure

2008-10-05T15:26:00.002-04:00

I'll admit that I'm PMS, but the pressure of life changing all too fast is quietly eating at me today. The boyfriend never sees me in a bad mood and I'm bitchy under the surface as I pretend to be busy with other things, making soup, emptying the dishwasher...anything that prevents me from having to sit next to him or have a conversation with him or make eye contact with him.

The possibility of moving next year and the organization to do so, dad, where would mom live, my daughter going to college - its all festering beneath the surface today. Work! I work for one of those big insurance companies that is getting screwed due to the comments of the politician, making the stocks spiral downward. What will happen? Will we end up folding or will it just be major layoffs? Maybe I'll have to worry sooner about the house than expected due to the careless comments of Sen. Harry Reid.

I think about all the stuff in the cellar that I need to clean out. Leftover items of the exes, new stuff from the beau. I resent that my storage space is limited due to that and overwhelmed all at the same time.

This too shall pass.

Tears of a clown

2008-09-21T09:50:00.001-04:00

My mom and I can't complete a conversation without making each other cry.

We're overwhelmed with life changes ~ and we are the strong ones!

I LOVE...

2008-09-18T15:34:00.003-04:00

my new iMac.
I thought my learning curve would be greater but me and the kid have it all figured out!

I've been busy with:

iMac and saving computer files from the (not so) old computer. I may pull the hard drive out of that one and pop in a new one - that's a great P.C.

College research, visits, applications, resumes, etc.

Work and the craziness that entails - reorgs

Committees for senior year all night party next June - I want to work on the decorations committee and get in touch with my inner creativity - they transform the school into something entirely different - the theme is a secret until the evening the kids step into the building - the party starts around 8:30pm until 5 a.m. the next morning (as if I don't already have enough going on!)

Dad, Mom, sis - visiting Dad, keeping Mom balanced, keeping sis sane

the potential of moving next Spring/Summer once the kid goes off to school and more...

and because there will be reorgs at work, I think about reorg-ing me - might be time

Life happens

2008-09-08T10:43:00.004-04:00

I'd like to catch up on reading blogs and replying to people but I'm having serious computer issues at home. I'm not able to get on at all but hopefully by Wednesday I'll have everything up and running.

I've been researching and if I have to buy a new computer I'm buying an iMac! I fell in love in the Apple store on the weekend.

Dad is doing okay. We've had a lot of ups and downs these past 10 days but we're trying and trying again.

There are incredibly sad moments. I have such admiration for him throughout this ordeal. A lot has been thrown his way. My mother too, has had so much to deal with, some of it extremely difficult but we're taking care of everything as it comes our way.

My mom is with dad every single day from Noon to 6:30 p.m. If visting hours were earlier on this unit, she'd be there longer. When he was in ICU at the hospital, she was there from the time I dropped her off every morning at 7:30 a.m. until 7:30 p.m. When there were tough days, she slept there overnight right by his side to help him through the night.

My sister and I are there every day visiting. It's not too often that we miss a day. It's important to be there to support mom. She's his advocate, she's his physical therapist, she's his encouragement, she's his aide and/or respiratory therapist when one is not readily available.

All days are not sad. But last week was tough.

Imagine yourself in a bed for 5 months and you feel pretty good with the exception that you're on a ventilator to breathe and your body won't allow you to be off that vent for more than 7 days without having to get placed back on the vent. You haven't had anything to eat or drink in those 5 months. You're unable to have physical therapy to walk and move around because it exhausts your body and every ounce of energy is being reserved for a successful outcome in getting off that vent.

We were so close 10 days ago and he ended up back on the vent. It's difficult but you have to stay positive. I think we all go off into our corners and have our meltdowns in private so as not to upset one another.

Mom takes the brunt. My sister and I still get to have a life outside of all of that and go to work and have recreation time. Mom does not.

I refuse to feel defeated. It's not how I was raised by these parents of mine who every day face struggle and who keep pushing forward.

Torn

2008-09-01T14:04:00.004-04:00

I watched dad have a good week last week as he was once again weaned off the ventilator. He became vibrant and had promise. He seemed giddy at the prospect of doing so well and looking forward to getting rehab for his tired limbs.

Each time he has been weaned he reaches 7 days and CO2 builds up in his system preventing him from breathing without the machine. This week was no exception although their approach was slow in order for the best outcome. Everyone, the doctor, nurses, our family were so happy that he was doing so well and we really thought it would be a success.

On Saturday when I went to visit and he was in a deep sleep all during the day, I knew immediately that this was not a good sign. To me in meant that the CO2 was creeping up inside him making him sleep. On Sunday, he looked lethargic and slept some more. The blood gases were borderline which confirmed my fear.

Today, early in the wee hours he was placed on the venitlator once again, unfortunately, proving he is unable to breathe on his own.

I've been angry the past few days leading up to this. Not angry at dad, because I know he's tried. Not angry at God. Just angry. Angry that we can all breathe effortlessly...and dad cannot.

I was torn the past couple days because I could tell he needed to be placed back on the vent. Watching him sleep was like watching his body fail him and I felt like it was doing damage.

I sat with mom today from Noon to 1 p.m. as she wept, and I tried not to, as dad slept. I think this is a different sleep from the past couple days. I worry that these breathing trials, when they fail toward the end might be doing more damage.

His body is becoming more tired. His heart, his lungs, his kidneys. I worry that when he wakes he will become despondent upon learning that he just cannot do this. They indicated that they could try again.

I'm not sure.

I get instant headaches that won't go away no matter what I take.

Last night my mother felt a signal in the middle of the night and woke. This happened to her alot in the beginning and the signals were always right on.

I too felt a signal last night. It was difficult to ignore.

I will shower now to try to feel better and try to act normal the rest of the day. There's an air of gloom hanging over all of us.

Mom doesn't want dad to live on a ventilator. It's not either of their wishes. She made sure I knew this today in case this ever happens to her. She's strong. I know when she says it, she means it.

Dear Friends and Family,

2008-08-27T10:08:00.007-04:00

Kid: I'm sorry you don't like what I bought at the grocery store, but I asked you specifically what you wanted and bought those items and anything else I thought you would like for when you get home from school, before I can get there to feed you supper. No I didn't just buy stuff for me. I can't recall ever doing that.

Beau: Just because you can't find the title to your car at your house does not mean you brought it to my house and gave it to me and I lost it. I do remember you giving me a copy of your insurance certificate so I'd have the VIN # of your car when I call my insurance company, but NO, I never saw your title and don't believe that ever happened. P.S. I know where my two titles are.

Mom: Please stop being argumentative and sarcastic. It's tiring.

Sister: If you want your dog leash that you left at my house weeks ago, then come and get it. I didn't borrow it, you left it behind. If you need it, come and get it. We live 3 minutes apart.

Boss: You need a life coach. I cannot help you. I think you are un-helpable. I think the life coach is a last resort.

Ex-husband: When your father had cancer I walked on egg shells around you for more than a year. Can you spare me your brand of sense of humor, which by the way, is not funny, just because you feel like pushing my buttons. Maybe you could take into account that this is a very stressful time. Your continual jokes about child support don't humor me. I don't ask for anything extra, I don't nickel and dime you, I don't ask you for insurance co-pays and such. I am however, extremely understanding week to week when you don't pay me for a couple weeks at a time.

Ever feel like running away? I feel like everyone is breaking off pieces of me.

Blogged at 10:08 a.m.

Addendum: Blogged @ 3:45pm - my day went "down" rapidly. Thank God for co-workers who experience anxiety on a routine basis and recognize it in others. My co-worker had to give me a 1/2 of Ativan because she saw me rapidly declining. This is a first for me but I am grateful as I feel a little better than before.

Things that ROCK...

2008-08-24T21:04:00.014-04:00

School starts Wednesday! I've NEVER been happy about school starting before but this year I am. It's a different story with a 17 year old. I stay up late every night until she comes home. Back to normal hours.

I think I have my Buick sold tomorrow. A family is pretty interested in it for their College freshman. This is exactly what I'd want for my 11 year old Buick Regal. It's in very good condition and runs perfectly. I hate to sell it but glad it will go to a kid to commute from his town to school every day. It's reliable and is a tank in the snow. And my daughter is thrilled because she'll get my beau's old car which she likes better than my Buick. His car is only 1 year newer but it's a Maxima and she doesn't think it looks like a granny car.

Dad has been having a very good few days. Mom has been kicking his a$$ into trying harder. He's been doing his 14 to 16 hour breathing trials well. We just need to keep it up and get him off the vent for good.

A long weekend is upon us and to stretch it a tad more I took Friday off. The beau is flying to Tampa to visit his kids and gets back home Sunday around dinner time...

which then we go to a concert that evening which is the last THING that ROCKs...

Kid Rock and Lynard Skynard. Shh! Don't tell the other adults, I really can't wait to see Kid Rock. I love his new song "All Summer Long" and have personally declared it the song of the summer.

Sensitive mood

2008-08-19T15:50:00.004-04:00

Have you ever had a day where all news puts you in a sensitive mood?

Things that bother me today:

Knowing a (phenomenal) co-worker is getting "pushed" out.

My kid has been driving me crazy.

The economy.

Mis-communication is a pet peeve.

Work.

I wish my dad could breathe on his own. Time is getting close to where it may be determined that he needs a ventilator forever. Worrying about their finances and what might happen (where there was never a need to worry before.)

My ex sending money advice about that situation via his mother (my ex-mother-in-law) which is the only communication (third-hand) I've received from her...money advice...never a "I hope your dad is doing well." But why would I be surprised? The almighty dollar was always what was most important to her.

I wish I could say I was PMS...but...

Vacation

2008-08-10T15:26:00.005-04:00

Vacation was wonderful! The weather was perfect. Here's a couple photos taken in the evening.

Packing my water wings

2008-08-01T11:41:00.005-04:00

Usually when I go on vacation I don't have to put this much forethought into organizing and packing. I'm going to the beach for a week and there's just so much that you need to bring. When I go to Disney or on a Cruise, I just pack my water wings and go!

It's been a week full of events:
Dad has made it past 24 hours off the vent
My daughter's iPod got stolen out of her purse at a party
The following Tuesday, I accidently did a non-disruptive restore on my computer and lost all her photos, music and schoolwork. (Nothing of mine was deleted, hence the "non-disruptive.")
I managed to fix the computer and replace some of her photos (I had backed-up but only until last September)
I bought her a new iPod and got Apple to restore approximately 280 of her purchased songs. She had a total of 600 songs on her iPod, some from friends.

So my mind is a little on overload with buying, organizing, packing for the beach.

Note to self: I don't want to forget the vodka and olives and the rum!

The highlight of my week will be the Ya-Ya Party next Friday night. My girls and I manage to do this every year and I thought the beach would be the perfect setting for the 3rd Annual Ya-Ya Celebration. We will have a fire on the beach and there's talk of a baptism ceremony in the ocean.

Have a good week. I'll post photos when I get back.

This story made National News

2008-07-28T20:35:00.004-04:00

This man lay three beds down from my dad. His family is lovely. I tried to find a link to this story that did not include video out of respect for his family. Too gruesome.

I had no idea he was at the same facility as dad until I met his grandson two Fridays ago and we starting chatting. When I think about it...they were at the same (first) hospital at the same time and now at this facility just beds away from one another.

The story made national news: CNN, MSNBC, Washington Post, NY Times, and your local newspapers. I'm sure you may have seen it.

I'm hear to tell you that there are hearts behind those stories. A family in pain. I met the son recently and sat with him this evening consoling him as he searches for answers and how to tell his dad that he won't be going home, each time his dad asks when he can go home.

My heart goes out to them. Please say a prayer for Angel Arce Torres and his family.

Miscellaneous

2008-07-21T11:49:00.003-04:00

This must have been very cool to witness!

Dad had a very good week last week. I'm thinking another good week with the breathing and he'll get moved out of the unit he's in and moved to an area where they can concentrate solely on physical therapy. I guestimate 3 weeks of that and he'll be good. My guess, the most: 5 weeks. The first week he was at this specialty place, he ended up being an emergency E.R. patient at the nearest hospital due to hemmoraging at the trach site. That was a scary night.

I'm going on a Beach vacation in a couple weeks. Excitement building! I'm not wandering too far from home base this year. Connecticut shoreline will do. But I do have some exciting plans for that week - like my annual Ya Ya Party with the girls on the last Friday while I'm at the beach.

BEST NEWS: My boss is on vacation! Need I say more?

My daughter went to a party with some girlfriends Friday night and the girls, typically, lay their purses down in the kitchen floor and wander away from them. There were a few boys from town that are bad seeds and in an out of juvenille hall that showed up at the party uninvited. Well, as you probably already guessed, they ravaged through the girl's purses and stole items. My kid is missing her iPod she got for Christmas from her dad and approximately $15. They went through her wallet and didn't take her ATM card but her license was lifted up and she was hurt that they saw it was her stuff and still took it. She's known these boys since grammar school. Her girlfriend is missing $50. Another girl, an acquaintance, is missing her iPhone. She drew a picture of how rotton these boys are which made me reluctant to call the police as I'm afraid they would retaliate upon her, her car or my property if they knew we called the police. They also stole about $1000 worth of liquor from the home. They broke through a locked room to get the stuff and damaged the door and door frame.

My daughter told me that the girl's parents are away on vacation and the daughter didn't tell her parents about this incident...yet. It sounds like Risky Business. It appears that the kid is trying to repair and replace and not tell which is STUPID.

Of course, I didn't know in advance that the party was at a house with parents who were on vacation!!! Ugh!

The kids that had items taken made the boys aware that they know it was them who took their stuff. The remaining kids at the party apparently, left voice and text messages all night to the thieves. I know that sounds bad, but, in return - all the kids that had stuff taken have text messages that they're saving which pretty much implicates the boys.

I told my kid to forget it because karma will bite these boys back. It sounds like they're on probation. I'm hoping when the vacationing parents get home on Tuesday they will find out what happened and call the police.

An update on dad

2008-07-09T17:33:00.002-04:00

Dad was transferred last Thursday to a Special Care facility that specializes in vent weaning and physical therapy.

He's seem better rested. I think mostly because all the unnecessary drugs are mostly out of his system now.

He doesn't pull any shennanigans (so far) at this place. I think the excessive drugs were wreaking havoc for him.

So is was a holiday weekend and they mostly started working with him this past Monday and he seems genuinely tired at the end of the day.

Another gentleman who was in the ICU at the previous hospital next to my dad's room was transferred to this hospital about 3 weeks ago and he was gravely ill. In fact, he only had a 10% chance of living because you see, he didn't have a scheduled surgery like dad, his mitral valve exploded in his chest, therefore affecting all his internal organs. His wife and daughter prepared funeral arrangements.

Last Saturday I had the pleasure of meeting Roberto and I couldn't stop crying because being able to talk to him and see him with no tubes or anything attached to him was incredible. He is now ready to go home!

He was the most enchanting fellow. I'd like dad to meet him soon, especially if he's in need of a pep talk.

Peace out. Love you all.

While you were sleeping...

2008-06-30T19:00:00.004-04:00

Dad sleeps a lot...because of the drugs and their inability to get them just right from when he was sleep deprived. Therefore he misses out on rehab. It's been 9 weeks and his mood his very down. In fact, I do believe he's given up. We're trying to treat that too.

He is scheduled to be transported this week to a special care facility who should be able to rehabilitate him, help him breathe on his own, as he's back on the vent. A weary, tired dad was losing ground from fatigue and ended up back on the vent. And now anxiety prevents him from breathing well.

The last week or two has been an emotional roller coaster. Hopefully we'll gain ground once he's at the new place. My fear is that he is now so tired the rigors of the new place will "break" him as he is already in a fragile state of mind.

He also plays possum. I do believe at times he is awake and chooses to keep his eyes closed and is taking everything in that goes on around him. I can tell when he's doing it and so can mom. She's the one that showed me his little trick. I call it, he's being "invisible." Can't deal or doesn't want to deal so if you're "asleep" people won't know to interact with you. Sly.

the kindness of strangers

2008-06-21T10:33:00.003-04:00

I must have looked like I needed it because a strange woman, at the hospital, approached me and gave me a big hug and I surrendered and hugged her back the biggest hug. She too was just a family member of a patient.

I don't know her name. I've never seen her before. I'll probably never see her again. We said almost nothing to one another. Just her reaching out and offering a hug.

Oh Nurse

2008-06-15T10:52:00.002-04:00

So my mother has spent an occasional night sleeping at the hospital in the past week and a half. You really can't imagine. She suctions him. She does physical therapy on his limbs. She lotions him up. She resorted to staying when the drugs were making him crazy and scared.

Well I picked her up this morning to go home and get some things done because the Physician's Assistant on the floor noticed what a nice night he had (he wouldn't say without the sleep drugs my mother noted) and asked her if she would consider staying at night for about a week to get him back on a schedule of sleeping at night and being awake during the day but told her she would then have to go home during the day to take a break. He asked if she was up to it and she said yes.

I told my sister yesterday, she's tougher than the two of us together.

Happy Father's Day to all the blogging dads! Have a wonderful day!

The Incredible Hulk

2008-06-14T12:58:00.003-04:00

The drugs they were giving my father to sleep had a reverse effect and a BAD effect on him and turned him into the Incredible Hulk. CRAZY!

My mother had to tell them to STOP giving him sleep cocktails. He's so sleep deprived, but one night they'd try something and it wouldn't work and the next day they'd try something else and it was having a rebound effect on him. No sleep and crazy and strong and paranoid.

He's seems okay today - he slept for more than a day and now he's awake and you can tell he won't sleep again anytime soon. He just wants out and doesn't know why he can't go home. And all of this delays physical therapy and steps to push forward.

So as much as mom can be a big pain in the a$$, dad should thank her (when he's in his right mind and can appreciate it) because she's there for him (literally - resorted to sleeping there to keep him calm when he had a case of the crazies) and goes to bat for him (a couple of P.A.'s might not be happy with her right now as they have to go through his surgeon to do anything to him in regards to meds) but it would have gotten much worse had she not taken steps she took.

She's packed to stay for the night. I honestly hoped he would have been home by Father's Day.

This is a variation of drinking and dialing....

2008-06-05T21:12:00.002-04:00

Had a few Teenies when I got home from the hospital. Of course, I get home late, like 7:30pm or so because I stop by after work and then drive mom home. Mom! Wouldn't be having martini's if mom was behaving. Called my sister and asked her where. Where will the cocktails be? Her house or mine or somewhere else? I'm flexible if nothing else.

So I told her the tale of the day...because she couldn't be there - she had 8th grade graduation for her daughter. I texted her from the hospital and simply said "She's going to get herself kicked out of here!"

She's so helpful and so doting that her knowledge these past 6 weeks (6 weeks today) has become dangerous. She knows more than everyone else and tells them how to do their jobs. I walked out of the room today and headed to the family room because I couldn't stand it. I felt bad for the incompetent nurses' aide. Yes, I'll agree, she was a little incompetent but when you're as intimidating as my mother can be at times, that won't make it any better. The poor girl was already tripping over her own feet and a stern, angry 76-year old being pissed off at ya isn't gonna make you do a better job. It just made her paralyzed. I tried to explain to my mother that a better way to handle it would have been to collect her name and speak to the head nurse if something displeased her.

Oy!

Mercury Retrograde

2008-06-02T14:31:00.005-04:00

Mercury Retrograde can wreak havoc on communications. I'm experiencing this with my mother and second hand medical information as she tries to tell it to me. Now this is nothing new - she always seems to hear it straight in her own head and can't understand why I don't understand what she's telling me resulting in her telling me 'You're not listening' or her kind way of blaming me by saying 'We're having a miscommunication.' Now, I'd like to blame it on her age, but it's really more a cultural thing for her and she's always been that way. When I say cultural thing, don't get me wrong...she's not off-the-boat Italian and doesn't speak broken-english. She was born in New York and really can't remember her Italian at all anymore. Mix that with some stubborness and a dash of convolutions.

So hopefully, what I think I heard from her yesterday and she retracts today is that dad is supposed to be getting taken off the ventilator completely and moving to a Step Down Area later this evening. Progress.

CNN headlines state today, due to her arrest for purchasing crack cocaine, that in 2004 Tatum O'Neil was quoted as saying 'Drugs were always around me.' Is that a cop out? I grew up in the 70's. Drugs were every where around me...at school. Hmpf.

The Sex and the City movie, if you're a fan, was great! Of course, it was all die-hard fans in the audience. Such fun. Me and my two friends walked over to an Italian restaurant after the movie and proceeded to the bar and ordered Cosmopolitans. The bartender, who looked like a character from out of the movie, rolled his eyes and said, 'Have you ever had them before?' We giggled and said yes. Apparently since the movie started they've been getting a lot of customers for dinner before or after the movie ordering Cosmos who have never had them before and not liking them, or thinking they're too strong and returning them. I told him that wouldn't be a problem...to bring them on! We had a lovely dinner and cocktails.

Sex and the City

2008-05-31T14:07:00.004-04:00

My two best friends and I are going to see Sex and the City today and then out to dinner and Cosmopolitans! I can't wait.

Dad seems better but sleep deprivation and ICU delirium gets the best of him. Hopefully he'll rest better tonight and have a good day tomorrow.

Have a wonderful weekend all.

Dad Update

2008-05-29T11:40:00.004-04:00

I haven't been able to blog about it because "living in it" has been exhausting. But I've seen a noticable difference in Dad these past two days where I can see the progress although he's been making progress all along, albeit extremely slow.

He is still in ICU and it's been 5 weeks today!

He has a temporary tracheostomy and today they put a valve on it so he could speak and he said, "How long have I been here?, When can I get out of here? and Why can't I get up and walk?"

I'm hoping he'll be home for Father's Day. His and mom's anniversary is June 6th and they will be married 54 years.
Such an accomplishment!

$4.09 when I was driving into work today...

2008-05-22T13:17:00.001-04:00

Gasoline Prices

my breaking point today...

2008-05-13T19:12:00.002-04:00

so frustrating.

he ended up off the vent and headed to the step down unit on sunday, BUT, his respirations were rapid and he ended up back in ICU 3 hours later and back on the vent.

he looks so frustrated.

tonight we left about 40 minutes early, as he slept...the moment I got home after dropping off mom, she called me and started to cry saying that the minute we left "crap hit the fan" as he was taken down to surgery to remove a blood clot in his leg.

I asked if she wanted to go back and the doctor told her NO - don't come back to stare at an empty room.

I'm just glad they took care of it tonight and didn't wait until tomorrow.

I wish things would move along more smoothly and quickly. He IS making progress. He may not look happy but we can't help tht. He has ICU delirium.

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-10T21:12:00.002-04:00

to all the moms in blog land.

Off the Ventilator!

2008-05-10T20:55:00.000-04:00

They were able to take him off the vent today! No trach...yeah!

He has an oxygen mask on and still has the feeding tube and his voice is very hoarse so when he tries to talk you can't hear him and he gets frustrated BUT he'll be getting better quicker now.

Last night....

2008-05-10T15:49:00.001-04:00

...the nurse gave dad "Mr. Thirsty" to suction himself. He kept playing with it. Mom was having a "cow." It was funny.

Today: He will more than likely be "trached" temporarily because he's been on the vent more than 2 weeks. It will help him in the long run. He has a good day breathing and then the next day is rough for him.

A N G R Y

2008-05-09T09:05:00.001-04:00

A N G R Y is what my dad spelled out on the word/letter board.

Dad Update

2008-05-08T19:59:00.002-04:00

Dad is doing well, slowly. He is awake and very much aware and gets his messages to us somehow, as he still has the ventilator. He asked where my daughter was tonight. When she gets out of work at 9 p.m. I'm driving her up there to see him.

My ex and I just spoke to one another on the phone. He works at the hospital and goes in to look at my dad every day. He just told me that he doesn't go up to him by his side because he's afraid and said he hopes he doesn't have any animosity toward him. I'll have to say something to my dad tonight so the ex can visit him up close and personal. The first night of surgery, late at night, the ex was upset when I told him of the complications. I was surprised at how upset he was.

In addition, he offered to fix my mother's car and offered to cut her lawn. I explained to him tonight to not make promises he can't keep. He has every best intention but gets busy, or sidetracked. He said he would do it.

We have a strange relationship and can hardly go very long without speaking to one another. When my battery on my car died a few weeks ago when I was leaving work, (I left the lights on), he came and started it for me. He works not to far from me in the city and it was rush hour and I called him because he leaves work at the same time as I do, and afterall, he gave me this car last year. I knew he wouldn't mind. And it was helpful to me.

He seems to want to impress upon me lately that its important we remain close and comfortable with one another. I told him tonight, he'll be buried next to me. He said, yes...you can't get rid of me.

I find this stuff difficult lately. I don't believe he wants more...just this. But I find it difficult lately.

Two weeks today

2008-05-07T10:01:00.002-04:00

I couldn't visit my father last night. After the day before I desperately needed a break as it was difficult to watch him, knowing he was in pain from the bronchitis but still with tubes down his throat, looking sad and being feisty. He tried to jump out of bed a few times. Yesterday they sedated him to give him rest as he had done so much the day before and was having trouble breathing because of the bronchitis and the the "gunk" that comes along with it.

My daughter had a concert at school last night so I went to that. Knowing it would be a long night, I took my own car and told her I wouldn't stay all the way to the end. We went for 6:30pm and I watched her sing, and knew she'd sing again later on but left at 7:50pm. I told her ahead of time that she's wonderful and everything but I wasn't going to miss American Idol! She laughed. She knows I'm exhausted. She didn't get home until after 9pm.

I drop mom off at the hospital every morning before 7:30am on my way into work. I just called my sister who works in the medical building attached to the hospital and asked how he was doing today. She said he was able to verbalize (with the tubes in) "help me." Ugh! It's going to be another rough night visiting. I think this is the hardest part knowing he's aware and that the tubes in the throat along with tracheal bronchitis are hurting him.

I head over after work and we stay until about 7:30pm. Then I drive mom home and we do this every day. It's not physically exhausting but it is emotionally exhausting.

He is making progress however. And I keep reminding myself of that.

A special nurse

2008-05-04T18:50:00.006-04:00

This picture represents her nickname.

She is very special, not like any nurse I've met before. She is so warm, maybe too much because I don't know how she can go home and leave it all behind. When I say she loves her patients...she speaks to them...in their face...even when the rest of us aren't sure they can hear and see us. She kisses dad on the forehead, several times in a row. Its the nicest thing to see. (as if it was her dad.) Then she hugs mom and says goodbye because her shift is over. Then she gives me a big hug and a kiss. I've just met her. Her warmth overwhelmed me.

Please understand, in the past when I worked in healthcare and since then, I have known many wonderful nurses. They are all wonderful caregivers and exceptional human beings. This lady has a quality that makes her stand out. I'm not sure I could put it into words - this quality that she has. Her actions are not superficial. When she walked away she seemed as touched as I was. I knew I had crossed paths with someone special.

Cinco De Mayo

2008-05-04T12:20:00.002-04:00

I'm making a Mexicali Ground Beef Casserole for dinner to celebrate Cinco De Mayo. I can't wait to try it, I've never made it before. Ground beef, onions, diced mexican style tomatoes, and corn mixed together and then a layer of mexican cheese blend with a top layer of corn bread. Think of mexican shepherd's pie or mexican lasagna.

Dad Update #3

2008-05-04T12:11:00.003-04:00

His eyes are open! But he's a little out of it. One minute I think he knows and sees me and then I'm not so sure. But he responds to my mom's questions and nods and does what she asks...move your arm, nod your head. He has tracheal bronchitis so they can't remove the ventilator too soon. He can't cough like we do but I can tell when he's coughing by the way his belly moves and then his eyebrows furrow and he winces like its painful. That bothers me. The nurses gave him some pain meds upon my request last night.

I have to keep telling myself that he's made amazing progress in a week's time and that this is now the hardest part because he's awake and we can see what's bothering him. The chest incision doesn't cause him pain, the bronchitis does. They tell me this morning that he's sitting up in a chair. My mom, the cheerleading physical therapist (not really, it's just her nature) has been helping him move his arms and legs for therapy (one of the nurses figured if she was going to spend all her time there she'd put her to good use) until he wiggled himself into a sideways uncomfortable position while sitting up in a big chair. I guess he was in that chair for a couple hours so they put him back in bed after he kind of swayed over.

No matter how small, this is all progress.

Thank you for your thoughts/comments - it means the world :)

ICU

2008-05-02T09:59:00.003-04:00

ICU is a sad place.
A 36 year old woman had quadruple bypass surgery. It runs in her family. Her sister had to have it when she was 32.
A 53 year old man waiting for a heart. His wife said, "He won't let go." He's been waiting there for 6 months.
An older european gentleman, not sure other than general "heart" stuff why he's there, has also been there 6 months according to the wife of the 53 year old.
Be thankful every day.

Dad: Update #2

2008-05-01T09:56:00.003-04:00

He's still on a ventilator and still "out of it" (drug induced) because he has a fever. He's made great strides in a week and they said, fever and pneumonia are all to be expected and doesn't worry them. So they're treating him for pneumonia although its not a certainty. They can't wake him until they're ready to remove him from the vent.

Mom says he looks good this morning and the fever went down. My sister says he looks like himself today which is good.

My goal is to have them remove that vent before another week goes by.

Dad Update

2008-04-28T09:18:00.003-04:00

It was an extremely long (15-1/2 hours) and complicated surgery. Complications due to it being a "redo" arose because of scar tissue and location of the arteries from the previous surgery. It's probably quite amazing that he withstood all they did to him and lasted that long in the O.R. They can't "close" him until the swelling goes down and that will literally be a few days. Mom was quite upset. (Apparently this is common!)

He didn't leave the O.R. and get up to ICU until 11:55 p.m. We got to see him briefly at 12:20 a.m. They initially repaired the valve but much later in the evening had to go in and replace it as it was leaking when they tested and monitored it.

Bottom line - he's tough to have withstood all of this and his heart is strong and he's stable. The next couple days will be tough, the next few days will be tough as well as once the fluid and swelling subside they will have to bring him to O.R. to patch him up. I found this beautiful angel in the gift shop that afternoon before we knew of the complications and we were all feeling confident about the whole procedure. I was waiting to give it to dad when he opens his eyes but she's sitting on the shelf looking over him in ICU. Her wings are enclosed around her and she’s holding a delicate flower.

Thank you to Seamus, Osbasso, Chickie, Lapsis Rubber and Catscratch Diva.

Upon coming to work this morning, after dropping mom off at the hospital - the newest update is that he continues to do well, slow but sure, just like they want it. We're just waiting for the fluid/swelling to subside so they can close him. He's making progress and everything is going in the right direction for him.

Update: 1:23 p.m. - They're going to "close" him up today at 3 or 4 p.m.

Heart and Soul

2008-04-23T17:34:00.002-04:00

My dad goes in tomorrow for open heart surgery. He's 75. He had triple bypass 20 years ago. Tomorrow he goes in for a valve replacement and while they have him open they will bypass two small arteries.

I drive my parents in tomorrow morning at 5:30 a.m. Surgery is scheduled around 8:30 a.m. I'm headed off to the store to buy a bevy of magazines to keep me and my mom distracted.

Let's hope it all goes well. 20 years later, 20 years older...

Prom

2008-04-13T08:32:00.005-04:00

My daughter and her best friend were dates for the prom and a photo of her and her two best girlfriends.

PROM Day

2008-04-12T08:29:00.003-04:00

The calm before the storm.....

she's sleeping
she's up soon, off to get her nails done
and then afternoon appointments, hair, makeup
I'll be cleaning and primping the house for the guests that will arrive
to see her in her dress, the grandmas, dad, auntie - the photos
My anxiety: the ex-MIL and what might pop out of her mouth

I just hope they will be safe tonight, after the formal affair, and will be where they say they are supposed to be

I will post later and offer some highlights. At least the weather has improved. The forecast was for pouring rain and the sun is shining.

Anatomy of a Prom

2008-04-03T10:44:00.004-04:00

Dress $290
Alterations $65
Jewelry $30
Hair/make-up/nails $100
boutanierre $12

for a total of $497!

I guess I should be happy that she's not buying a new pair of shoes or that the boy paid for the overpriced tickets or that she's paying for her own tanning which I wish she wouldn't even do. However, with all this in mind, I wish she was more mindful the other night when she was driving 10mph over the speed limit and got that $110 ticket. Oy! Or when she slept over my sister's house when I went away to that meeting and she left her retainer out and my sister's 6 month old puppy chewed on it. New one: today! $350!!!

My horoscope

2008-04-02T06:20:00.004-04:00

Two jobs became available in two very different departments that I am interested in. I tossed and turned a little last night trying to figure out which I'd really be interested in. This is the horoscope that was e-mailed to me this morning:

Energy
Mars Sesquiquadrate Jupiter
Apr 2, 2008 to Apr 6, 2008

You're trying to decide whether to be extravagant ... or to be extravagant. Okay, what you're really trying to figure out is which department to indulge yourself in. Choose carefully.

Career
Mercury Trine Mc
Apr 2, 2008

You can have absolutely everything you want from the higher-ups. They'll be happy to support and advise you, and tip you on how to get where you want to go.

Did I mention?

2008-02-23T09:10:00.003-05:00

Did I mention that my snowblower was stolen out of my garage about 3 weeks ago, while I was home? I came home from work, left the garage door open like I always do and I didn't notice until Tuesday when I came home from work that the snowblower was missing. They quietly entered and removed the snowblower and was very courteous in not scratching my car.

Did I mention that we got 8 inches of snow yesterday? Did I mention that I'm glad I stayed home from work yesterday because it took me about two hours to clean the driveway and front sidewalk and I didn't have anymore energy to do the back and longest sidewalk. I didn't see the e-mail from the beau telling me not to touch it because he was coming over with a snowblower! I was a little crippled last night.

I hope my 10 year old snowblower gives the rat-bastard thief that took it a difficult time.

Junior Year

2008-02-19T08:01:00.002-05:00

I have the day off today to take my daughter for appointments to colleges. We have one appointment today and two tomorrow.

I've been up since quite early as I dropped my parents off at the Hospital for 6:00 a.m. Dad has an angiogram today in preparation for a valve repair. They will look to see if he has any blockages as well. It's been 20 years, almost to the date, from his bypass surgery. Time for an overhaul.

My mother had to convince him to go. It's taken about a year for her to convince him. I think if you've had that done once to you and you now know what to expect and you're 20 years older, it's probably very scary. Knowing the road to recovery will be that much more difficult. He wanted her to book a vacation. She wouldn't until he "took care of business."

Well, wish Dad luck and wish me luck too. I'm still wondering how I'm going to pay for this college education!

Names and faces

2008-02-16T11:07:00.003-05:00

Casualties of the war

We dwell on celebrity news...deaths, who has a baby bump, who was seen with who. I listed a link above that will show you the casualties of the war. In most cases will have a photo and a little information about that person.

I thought we could all use a reality check. Myself included.

These are someone's sons and daughters. Someone's brother or sister. Someone's spouse. Someone's mom or dad.

A break from my every day life...

2008-02-08T14:03:00.002-05:00

Big (800+) work meeting being held in Orlando. Those that worked on planning the meeting (11 of us) get to go down a day early to prepare so we leave tomorrow and come back Wednesday night. I'm not so sure I'll get much down-time but I'm still looking forward to it.

I'm hoping I don't get a lot of phone calls from home, from the ex who will spend the night with my daughter Saturday night and from my sis who will take her until Wednesday. Don't forget, the kid is 17 and they're not used to that kind of handful. Yes...sometimes she can be a handful. But they are all adults and shouldn't need me. I gave the kid my orders. You know..."don't give anybody a hard time." I personally can't complain. I find this part of her entertaining and delightful that she is fiercely independent and strong willed. She takes after me.

The beau will be in Tampa beginning this evening with his kids as it is his daughter's birthday weekend.

Have a wonderful weekend!

2008-02-08T14:03:00.001-05:00

I don't mind being single...

2008-01-21T18:19:00.001-05:00

...in fact I prefer most of the time...for right now. But the one time I really mind is when I'm at the doctor's office and they ask for an emergency contact. Believe it or not, that's when it bothers me.

The Day

2008-01-20T09:31:00.001-05:00

Yes, that's right, today is my birthday. Oy! A number that precedes an even bigger number. Scary.

We're going out to brunch this morning to celebrate and I'm looking forward to it.

The weeks have been so busy due to work and will be even busier the next couple weeks. But I get to go to a meeting in Orlando at the end of the busy-ness and I'm looking forward to that too.

Peace to all.

Dear 2008,

2007-12-29T08:44:00.000-05:00

What do you have in store for me this year?

I'm hoping...no surprise apendectomies or major expenses or repairs to cars and home.

What would be nice you ask? A deep emotional love. Romance on a higher level. To be united with my twin star.

A happy and fulfilling workplace.

High honors for the offspring. Perhaps a scholarship or something to help pay for college.

A little relief in the pocketbook to know that I can pay for the offspring's college education. Next year would be a key year as we'll be preparing preliminary steps to prepare for college.

This would go hand-in-hand with me being able to continue to live in my house. The house I built and lived in with the husband and raised my child in. I don't want to leave! Our history is written here.

Good health and no out-of-pocket expenses.

Happiness! True happiness.

Wishing everyone the best in 2008. I hope the Gods are listening.

Happy New Year!

2007-12-28T08:29:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas

2007-12-22T12:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving Week

2007-11-19T07:09:00.000-05:00

We celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday and we (one big family) are leaving for vacation early tomorrow, dinner reservations at a Japanese restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner, to the warmer weather, and will return on the weekend.

Have a wonderful holiday.

One French Fry Short of a Happy Meal

2007-11-08T10:42:00.001-05:00

I had a conversation with my sister this a.m. trying to understand what she called me about last evening in regards to the holidays and whose cooking, etc. I could tell I was about to be "played" and I was busy when she called and instead of coming out and asking what she really wanted, she was dancing around the issue and making it sound like she was doing me a favor.

Needless to say, she never asked what she really wanted so I called her this morning to see what was up. Again, she danced and then said I yelled at her last night. I replied, "I was busy doing something but I never 'yelled' at you." And because this pissed me off I added, "Don't be one phone call short of calling the therapist because you thought I 'yelled' at you."

* * * Oops * * *

She told me to "eff off" and hung up. Well, I did feel bad but I'll bet you she dialed the therapist this morning.

Anyway, I did feel horrible and sent her an e-mail apologizing and then also sent an arrangement to her office, begging the florist to deliver it before Noon. I hope that helps but I really don't want to have a conversation with her today and will probably avoid it. It might counter the deed if you know what I mean. One of our Italian personalities will definitely say the wrong thing and then I might have to tell her to shove those pretty flowers somewhere. It's what we do.

I haven't blogged in a while - I've been way busy but continue to skim my favorite blogs and comment on occasion.

The Ex

2007-09-24T18:49:00.000-04:00

So I had another dream about the guy that was in between the ex and the beau again last night. I wake up so annoyed with myself for not being able to forget him!

The ex came over after work to pay me...CASH...because the check he gave me a week and a half ago was returned to his account for insufficient funds on his account and the bastards had the gall to charge ME $10. So I called him today to tell him to check his bank statement online because I was sure he didn't know about any of it yet. And of course at first he didn't want to believe it and then he just plain pushed my buttons and pretended he didn't owe me because he already paid me when I said "now you owe me that check and last week's check." So he promptly came over and gave me cash for both those weeks and then had a beer and was telling me a story in the kitchen when the beau came in. So we all chatted and then the ex exited through the garage and he and I looked in a cabinet out there that had boat oil and cleaners and fluids and he separated what he thought was old for me to get rid of and took a couple things that are for his boat.

Let me back track for a second. The beau bought a used riding mower that looked like it had never been used but sat for about 18 months. He thought he ruined it using starter fluid in the carbeurator because it was smoking and then while I was on vacation bought a brand new one from Sears and offered the older mower to the ex. He was only going to sell it for parts for $50 but gave it to the ex, especially seeing how the ex gave me the little blue car in June. Well the ex knew he could fix it and turn around and sell it for possibly $800 and he didn't even do the work himself but gave it to someone to fix for him and it only cost him $75. He told the beau he was going to fix it and sell it as the ex's girlfriend's yard is so small he wouldn't even need it for her yard. So while the ex is cleaning out the fluids out of the cabinet he runs across starter fluid and holds it up to my face and says, "Let's save this for Chris" trying to be a funny wise ass and I have to admit, it did crack me up.

Of course he thinks the beau is a "suit" who shouldn't work with motors since the mower episode and I know this because his best friend that I went "pubbing" with last week implied that they both thought that he really screwed up the mower using the starter fluid.

And then I'm coaching the ex telling him that when he misses my daughter, instead of lecturing her for not calling when he comes over, to simply pick up the phone and make the call. I showed him the calendar that shows her school, cheerleading and work schedule and he said he understands but a call would be nice. So I reiterated that he's the adult and instead of trying to make her feel guilty to just pick up the phone and he said, "I know honey."

I totally giggled on the inside and he never knew he said it which was even funnier to me. I like when we get along. It was only a week or two ago when we had the misunderstanding about not being included in the cheerleading function that he admitted he wouldn't go to anyway.

Sunday Yard Work

2007-09-23T12:25:00.000-04:00

Look what we found! We're cleaning out a spot next to the big boat for the little boat and when the beau moved some stuff I yelled and ran (because I was now too close) "Possum!" We found a mother and her baby and we continued to clean and ignored them and eventually the mother got scared enough to run into the woods. But to my dismay she ran without taking her baby! I'm certain she'll come back for the baby - but it bothered me just the same. That was not what I hoped would happen. Click to enlarge.

Dreams

2007-09-23T07:45:00.000-04:00

The beau and I had pizza with neighbors last night that reached out to us. They're very nice and we had fun talking with them. I met the woman when she was walking her dog one early very brisk morning. She's been a mystery to me ever since.

We came home and went to bed. This morning I had a bad dream that woke me. I fell in love somewhere in between the husband and the beau and the s.o.b. still haunts me...in my mind. I can't seem to wish him away which only makes me angrier that things didn't turn out the way I had wanted them to. I mean, I know now that it was a gift but my heart has never been the same, and I really don't think it ever will be. This is what makes it difficult for me to move forward.

My mom is still in the hospital but doing fine. She's antsy to get out. I think it could be another couple days as they try to get the drug levels just right before being comfortable with releasing her. She mentioned to me yesterday her concern about the long walk from Disney to Epcot Thanksgiving Week. We have dinner plans in "Japan" on Thanksgiving Day and its a long walk to Japan and she's afraid she'll slow us down or she won't be up to it. I assured her that I'd "roll" her ass there if that's what she wanted!

Once again as with the recent cruise, mom and dad are treating us to vacation and thought it would be fun to go to Disney for the holiday. They're also looking into another cruise next year when the kids get out of school. This all ties in with her current stay in the hospital. They're getting older, she worries about my dad's health as he had bypass surgery about 20 years ago and she fears the docs want to open him up again to replace a valve. I think she quietly worries and this self-induced stress landed her in the hospital with a stress cardiomyopathy that mimicked a heart attack. See...stress CAN kill you.

Her condition is completely reversible and she has NO heart damage and has NO blocked arteries. But she needs rest and meds and probably needs NOT to become stressed to get past this. She managed to raise her heart rate the other day which resulted in a team of professionals racing to her room. She didn't see why a particular nurse insisted on giving her reflux and stomach meds when she doesn't have a problem with either. (I agree.) She worked herself up into a tizzy, but she won. She doesn't take them anymore! I'm sure at 75 some people treat you like you're old and no longer able to make these decisions for yourself. She explained to the nurse to feel free to give her meds for her heart and blood pressure because that's what she's having a problem with now, but don't mess with her stomach and bowels because she DOES NOT have a problem with that! I say GO MOM!

Playing Hooky

2007-09-17T12:26:00.000-04:00

I'd like to make it sound attractive like I'm doing something special but the truth is my mom went to the Emergency Department Saturday and it appeared she had a mild heart attack. Right now it seems she has Takotsubo disease. Hard to imagine my mom has stress but my sister said that the article the doctor gave her pegs her to a "T". I just confirmed that she did not have a heart attack but this syndrome mimics a heart attack. That's the good news! Rest and meds can reverse this. The heart muscle currently is not performing properly but there are NO blocked arteries.

Apparently it was raining the other day when they took their weekly jaunt to the casino. It was raining so hard they could not see and my mother became very upset. They have determined that this was the onset of the whole situation. Go figure? You have to know my mother is a strong woman, not a stress-bag, has always been healthy, I've never seen her sick or horizontal on a couch, eats right, drinks lots of water. Both my parents are 75 and I think she feels the stress of aging and mortality especially as she looks out for my dad who did have bypass surgery about 20 years ago and the docs currently read his chart and question some things - I think this silently upsets her. My clue: we just came back from a family vacation - the cruise we took - and they've already planned another family vacation for us during Thanksgiving week and also are planning another cruise for next Summer when the kids get out of school.

Also today is my prep day as I'm having a colonoscopy (and endoscopy) tomorrow. I'm on liquids all day today and at 5 p.m. I start to drink the concoction the doctor's office ordered for me prior to my procedure tomorrow morning. I can't wait for my drug-induced nap when I get home!

Ya Ya

2007-09-15T13:23:00.000-04:00

This evening is the Second Coming of Ya Ya. This is the second annual gathering where I prepare some of my favorite appetizers, entrees, desserts and cocktails and the girls come over and we create a little magick. There's a couple blogger friends I wish could be here as well. First Ya Ya Party photo here.

It's mid-day and I've prepared all my dishes for tonight. Now I will clean and gather the fire wood as we will have a ceremony and put our personal thoughts on paper and throw them in the fire pit to rid ourselves of negativity. We will also do a little candle magick to bring positive thoughts to us.

Last year we did this in July but I'm glad we waited for the cooler weather. I only wish we were able to do this on the full moon. It rained last night and cleared up a short while ago. It should be about 50 degrees tonight.

I'll take photographs! For those of my blogger friends that can't be here, go outside around 8:p.m. EST and look at the sky and face eastward and silently or loudly proclaim "Ya Ya" and we will as well.

How I Really Feel Friday - Pizza Friday

2007-09-14T17:41:00.001-04:00

How I Really Feel - a little dehydrated today :)

I can't wait for the pizza to get here!

See what a pedicure can lead to?

2007-09-13T21:05:00.000-04:00

Let me post this while still in the haze of the four lemon drops (shots) and beer.

I left work and had my whole evening planned. The beau was going to be out and the kid had to work even though she's really sick and shouldn't. I was going to get a pedicure because I have a colonoscopy next Tuesday and I want to put my best foot forward (LOL). And then I was going to come home and plan my Ya Ya party that I'm having with my girlfriends Saturday night.

So there I am at the tail end of my pedicure...Did I mention there's a bar next door? And in walks my ex's best friend. He saw my little car parked at the opposite end of the parking lot from where his car was parked when he went outside to have a smoke, comes in the salon and yells out "Hey!" "Are you gonna come next door when you're done and have a beer with me?" I laugh and make him come closer because he's literally yelling across the joint as if it was poison to come any closer. So when I'm done, wearing the little oriental flip flops because my toes haven't completely dried yet, I shuffle to the bar next door and have a beer with JOE. Did I mention that Joe had a long term relationship with MY best friend, one of the girls whose coming to the Ya Ya Party Saturday evening?

So Joe and I haven't seen each other at all since the divorce in 2004 but have seen each other twice in the past week. He came over with the ex to pick up a broken riding mower that I gave him the night he saw me and the beau and the kid leaving for the cheerleading event. So I got a little drunken insight into the mind of the ex from Joe who had plenty of drinks before I connected with him. Apparently it's all an ego thing. As if I didn't know that. He did admit to Joe that he wouldn't have gone to the event but was hurt because he wasn't invited/asked.

Where to start? Joe blurts out "Brian got kicked out of Judy's two weeks ago." And I'm thinking....it's all starting to making sense to me now. Don't get ahead of me, he's already back with Judy. I'm thinking WOW. I say, "Why, what'd he do?" Joe says, "I don't know." I reply, "Well he must have been partying, or came home late, or went out too many nights in a row. Because what else could it be? He wouldn't cheat." Joe agrees.

Interesting. It seems Judy is smarter than me :)

I ask, how did he get kicked out/locked out if he has a key. He mostly lives there with her. Joe says she locked the dead bolt. I'm thinking, she is smarter...he has a key but not to the dead bolt. It sounds like she has experience at this! I chuckle. Then Joe tells me how he breaks in to get his stuff. Apparently went back the next night when she wouldn't let him in (she must have been at work) and did the same thing. Probably jimmied a window to get in and get his stuff.

Anyway, the two of us reminisced over beer and a few shots about him missing my girlfriend, who is now unhappily married and what a dumb ass Brian is. Good stuff.

We truly had a lot of laughs and so much fun. We left the first bar and went to a 2nd bar. I drove. He wanted me to drive his little sports car but I figured if we left in his car and I didn't have my car, I'd never get home when I wanted to. He was holding me hostage way longer than I expected already!

Well, we decided what happens in TOWN stays in TOWN because Brian would be pissed at him if he knew we went out drinking together and more importantly I realized he would know immediately that Joe told me he got kicked out of Judy's two weeks ago and we can't let that cat out of the bag!

Now if I could just get my girlfriend to divorce the cement shoes she's been wearing these past couple years and then wave my magic wand and grant Joe's wish that he get his "girl" back, life would be almost perfect.

Okay enough of this. I haven't had dinner and scoffed down a piece of bread while blogging and proceeded to eat the Reese's out of my daughter's Ben and Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream.

Did I mention that in the 2nd bar I recognized a girl I went to elementary school with. Of course, I stopped her and told her who I was and she remembered too. Good times. I don't get out (to the bars) nearly enough apparently.

I think this was the precursor to my Ya Ya party.

Sidebar: I almost never drink. Why do I have to drink tonight and again on Saturday night when I really plan to let loose, 3 days before a colonoscopy? Will they know? Oh well, TTFN.

Hump Day

2007-09-12T08:21:00.000-04:00

My ex called me this morning while I was driving into work with "hurt" feelings. How come he wasn't invited to the Cheerleading pasta dinner last night. He came over last evening as me and the beau and the kid were leaving.

I told him it was last minute and I made the beau go. Anyway he was hurt - "she doesn't call me" "you can pay for the car insurance" blah, blah, blah He hung up - hurt - won't take calls.

I just sent him a text message: "Would you like to trade places with me? You live with her and you pay $50 for a pasta dinner that lasts 2 hours too long. Call me when you're ready to talk. I dare you to trade places with me."

I will challenge him - he can trade places with me for a month - I'll let him live in the house, pay for everything, etc. etc. and deal with it all - I will live elsewhere for the experiment. Let's see how long he lasts.

Ya know, he doesn't learn - follow by example. He wants her to call him, yet he makes plans and doesn't call to change them or say he's not coming....he just doesn't call.

He hates going to that cheerleading stuff, unless its for competition. If he feels like he's missing out on something then he should make more of an effort. If he's upset with her, don't call me and ruin my day and try to make me feel guilty. I can't run interference for him the rest of my life. I don't have the energy.

Is it about car insurance because now you're dangling that over my head because your upset? I could give a shit. I'll pay for the fukin insurance just not to receive these phone calls.

Is it about the kid and you not seeing enough of each other, about car insurance, about cheerleading, about the beau got to go to the Pasta dinner and you didn't? Do I look like Tinkerbell? I can't fix it all. I'm tired of trying to fix everything.

How I Really Feel Friday

2007-09-07T17:36:00.000-04:00

B R O K E!
Got paid today, already broke!

How I Really Feel Friday - Happy for the Weekend

2007-08-31T17:11:00.000-04:00

How do I really feel? Let me tell you.

I bought a hand-held shower head earlier in the week and installed it. It didn't seem to put out water at the proper pressure and also, for the money spent, seemed cheaply made. Last night I go to Walmart and buy a more expensive one, different brand, get home take it out of the impossible to remove container and before I install it, it seems even cheaper than the previous one. So I repackage them both and head back to the store and return both BUT not before I get aggravated by the whole thing and read on each package that the WaterPik brand and Peerless brand shower heads I purchased were both MADE IN CHINA.

The original one in my shower had been there for so many years. I can't remember where or when I purchased it but do remember it was costly way back then, but it seems everything like that is much cheaper now. The original one was a MOEN.

So the beau can see I'm on a mission and won't be happy until I find a replacement LAST NIGHT and kept rambling on about boycotting Walmart because of the cheaply made MADE IN CHINA products, especially after reading about 6 articles in the past three weeks about the dog cookies sold in Walmart that are made in China that have Cyanide in them. How Walmart quietly took them off the shelf without much publicity, especially following their other publicized problems with food from China. I continued to ramble about Toys R Us yesterday and the coloring sets that have lead in the box and even in the crayons. Crap, crap, crap! I was on a roll.

I only wanted a shower head from a plumbing supply store that was made in the U.S.A. however, none of the stores were open after 8 p.m. in my region! He asked if I wanted to go to Home Depot. I continue to mutter that "Yeah, that's better, cheap shit from Mexico!"

Well, I knew I didn't have many options so we did look in Home Depot and they did have some of the similar cheap MADE IN CHINA products but they did have one model MADE IN THE U.S.A. and they had an especially nice one MADE IN GERMANY. After carefully scrutinizing the two products through the IMPOSSIBLE TO PENETRATE packaging, I opted for the MADE IN GERMANY model.

I was immediately in a better mood because now I was optimistic, again. The beau took over because now at this point he probably doesn't feel I'm competent to install the new shower head from all that crazy rambling that went on. He was probably "cutting to the chase" knowing that if this model failed I'd be in an even uglier mood than before. I must say that when I got to see this German made shower head out of the packaging I was impressed. You could tell immediately that more care was taken in the manufacturing of this product.

So the new shower head is installed and works wonderfully. I feel like writing a letter about the inferior quality products - where do I begin? Who shall be the recipient? I'm not sure yet but this "got my goat."

But I see room for opportunity...perhaps an HNT related opportunity in the very near future.

Have a great weekend everybody! Hug and kiss your children, especially those little ones that don't know any better yet to talk back and give attitude because they grow up fast and go to school before you know it. Next they're off to run some large corporation somewhere and forget to come visit you in a nursing home. Ta ta for now.

A MeMe using Wikipedia

2007-08-29T13:34:00.000-04:00

I liked this so I will repeat it here but in the vein of Os, I will not be tagging others. See Os's post to follow directions properly if you wish to tag others.

Go to Wikipedia and type in your birthday (month and day).
Write down 3 events, 2 births, 1 holiday and tag 5 friends.
There are five slots in the Birthday Meme.
As you are tagged, you have to remove the name in the first slot and bump everyone up so that your name can be added to the bottom.

Three Events:
1885 - L.A. Thompson patents the roller coaster
1892 - At the YMCA in Springfield, Massachusetts, the first official basketball game is played
1986 - Martin Luther King, Jr., day was celebrated as a federal holiday for the first time

Two Birthdays:
1896 - George Burns, American actor, comedian (d. 1996)
1906 - Aristotle Onassis, Greek industrialist (d. 1975)

One Holiday/Observance:
Presidential Inauguration Day in the United States (since 1937)

Weekend

2007-08-26T09:53:00.000-04:00

Beach on Friday morning

I drove all the way to Starbucks this morning to get a cappuccino, because no one makes them quite as good. I'm so addicted to Starbuck's brand that I think I'm going to work their in my spare time!

How I Really Feel Friday - Well...the cop was nice

2007-08-24T07:20:00.001-04:00

Let me preface this by saying that I took today off for a last hurrah before school starts so I can spend the day at the beach with my kid because she's been trying to get there all summer long but her and her friends calendars never seem to make that work and/or their being new drivers they weren't allowed to drive with one another in the car.

I left work yesterday and joined two other old co-worker friends to visit another girl we used to work with to cheer her up. Kim not only just turned 50 but had a rather serious surgery to her neck and is home bound. Its approximately 6 weeks after her surgery. We didn't want her birthday to pass without any fanfare having been stuck at home so we brought the party to her. The one thing I did right, she seemed to really enjoy my choice of red wine that I brought, was very familiar with it and impressed. The other girls brought things to nibble on and we had a lovely few hours chatting, laughing and reminiscing. So I was in a happy place when I left Kim's house.

When I got home I had about an hour before the kid got off work but she promptly called to say that she was picking up her best friend and going to a local diner for food. I told her to be home early because I wanted to leave rather early for the beach.

At 10:45pm I called and asked where she was and reminded her little absent mind to drop Ally off because by the time she does that and gets back home it will be almost 11:30. What can I say, she's going to be a junior and Math is not her forte!

At 11:30 my cell phone rings and she says, "Mom, can you come get me?" "I'm at the 'no-tell motel' (raunchy name withheld) and the cops want our parents to come or they won't let us leave." Steam pressure building up inside me.

I say, "Are you in trouble?" She replies, "No, and don't be mad."

She says this a lot to me when she's calling me last minute when she's already supposed to be home. I'm not sure which pisses me off more, that she's not home when she's supposed to be or the gall of her telling me how NOT to feel when its my parental right.

So I jump from my nest from which I was sleeping and decided to put real clothes on because although I would have loved to embarrass her, I grew up in the town that she called from and you never know who I might bump into and that might not be the moment I want to be seen in my PJ's.

So when I get to the 'no tell motel' I eyeball the cop car and a group of kids from our town. The young, handsome, more than cordial policeman says, "There was a party. They were in a room." And by the look on my face quickly added, "a whole bunch of kids were in the room together." and adds, "SHE doesn't appear to have been drinking BUT I don't want anyone driving home just in case and I don't want to 'pinch' anyone." Well, he was in a more generous mood than I was.

We had to leave my old car at the 'no tell motel' so that this morning when my friends and family drive by on their way to work they can see it sitting there! Oy!

The whole ride home in the car she was angry at me because she knew I was pissed and that I wouldn't believe her when she was trying to tell me that, 'she dropped Ally off and then went to the 'no tell' to give Chelsea her sweatshirt so she'd have it tonight for the concert' they're all supposed to go to. My question was "you left the diner in 'Town A' dropped Ally off in 'Town B' (which is our town but the furthest point on the outskirts) and then drove all the way to 'Town C' when you should have already been home." Reply: "I know you don't believe me but that's the truth."

I have to admit that it was hard not to believe this version of the story because as the cop indicated, she seemed to be one of the few if not the only kid who appeared to NOT have alcohol in her. BUT she conveniently omitted telling me her plan of action when I talked to her on the phone which doesn't make it look good for her.

Upon waking this morning the first thought in my head was A) She's going to kill me (high blood pressure, heart palpitations) and B) The ex should have to deal with this because it would be payback for everything I used to have to put up with when he used to behave the same way...as an adult married man! Sweet justice if he had to deal with the same behavior he used to make me have to deal with! BUT NO, God seems to have a sense of humor and wants to prove that history repeats itself and remembers that I had to take 11th Grade History over again in Senior year.

Conversation with my sister via e-mail this morning

2007-08-21T11:21:00.000-04:00

Sister:
I still see my therapist once a month, more for me because I think of her as a friend. She is reallly great. It gets me out of the office and she calls (Ex's name withheld) all kinds of good swear words.

Me:
I can do that weekly for you - we can drink and I can call him douche-bag dik-wad!

Sister:
No, she calls him mf.... and pr...k.

Just had to share...this conversation tickled me.
Of course she never needed a therapist until the douche-bag dik-wad divorced her.

How I Really Feel Friday ~ Doctor, Doctor revisited

2007-08-17T14:14:00.001-04:00

Happy Friday!

The good news is that my blood work seems to be back in the normal range. However, the doctor's office had to admit that they forgot to include one test in the blood work, so on my way home today I'll get that taken care of. Just want it all to be over with!

The work week, after coming from vacation, wasn't too bad because my boss was out on her vacation. So it was a non-stressful week. Can't ask for more.

Saw "Mahalia" last night at the local stage company starring Frenchie Davis. What a wonderful play and what a dynamite performance by Frenchie Davis. A power-house of a voice. Just amazing!

I'm going to soak in the weekend with fresh air and sun as I feel like Summer is coming to an end, all too soon. Maybe I'll capture next week's HNT, as I never got around to it this past Thursday!

Whatever you may be doing this weekend...enjoy!

Back to R E A L I T Y

2007-08-13T09:28:00.000-04:00

Back to: yard work, cleaning house, laundry, work, doctor's appointments, bills, managing my kid and her craziness which she calls 'summer.'

How I Really Feel Friday - Sigh...back from vacation

2007-08-10T07:00:00.000-04:00

Vacation was wonderful - too short in some respects.
Just long enough when traveling with family.

Here are some photos:

Just back from the Bahamas HNT

2007-08-09T16:02:00.001-04:00

How I Really Feel Friday ~ Funny....but NOT

2007-08-03T11:26:00.000-04:00

Well I'm overly excited about the upcoming C R U I S E. I'm "wired for sound" and its all I can think about....the preparation....the actual trip.....me being a sun goddess, etc. I'm thinking about electronic accessories to bring and one that is NOT on the list is my cell phone because I don't want my kid bringing hers and calling and/or text messaging friends at the tune of international fees and for that matter I figure I can communicate with my beau via e-mail which I don't mind paying for that connection on the ship because I'm certain it's gotta be less expensive than the international calls. Thoughts? Suggestions anyone?

On another note, I got away from my legally bound partner before he could kill me with stress, but I'm sure his spawn (my kid) will finish the job that he started. Enough said. I don't want to get all worked up and give myself palpatations and kill my happiness buzz of my upcoming cruise.

I will take plenty of pictures. Maybe I will be a voyeur. I'm calling it the LUV boat. Signing off - be well everyone!

HNT - slice of the pie

2007-08-02T06:40:00.001-04:00

Happy HNT everyone!
It's going to be 96 degrees here today.
Organizing and preparing for vacation ~~~ C r u i s e ~~~

Priceless - Man's Best Friend

2007-07-31T19:49:00.000-04:00

So there you are,

having a

dinner party...

Your parents

are there,

Your in-laws

are there ,

Your boss and

his wife

are there,

The minister and

his wife

are there ,

You're all

settling down

for a

nice relaxing

evening dinner,

Then in walks

the dog

The Good Body

2007-07-28T20:47:00.000-04:00

I was supposed to go to the theater tonight to see The Good Body.

I always ask the same girlfriend to go to plays with me - it seems to be our thing that we do together. Our plan was that she would pick me up and we would go somewhere for dinner at 6 p.m. and then go the the show for 8 p.m.

Our evening started out okay but just about when we were finishing our dinner she spilled coffee down the front of her blouse and white pants, a considerable amount. She didn't show it at first but she became quite "unglued." I've known her for more than 20 years and have never seen her this way. She did it quietly, quietly tears running down her cheeks and you could tell that it ruined her night. She was just so pissed at herself. We were near a Target and went it to buy a stain stick but the stain was so large there was no way of erasing it. Then she attempted to buy a long shirt to cover the stain and although for the most part it worked you could see that her night was ruined. Again, I've never seen her like this before.

It got to the point where she said she 'just can't do it." I'm sure she was afraid of disappointing me and I certainly wasn't feeling disappointment at the time, just concern for why she let the coffee ruin her night in such a way that she was unrecognizable to me. I think she was hugely disappointed. I won the tickets and we were both very excited to go to the show and if I had enough to time get their on my own I would have done that but by the time she drove me home I didn't have enough time to get there without missing part of the play.

On the ride home I could see her bottom lip quivering - she really let this get to her and said "I start each day this way." I asked why. She has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday as a follow up and is having a possible cancer scare. Well, she hasn't let on how serious this might be, or not, or that she simply herself was worried or scared. Again, she doesn't let this side of herself show normally so this was all a shock to me tonight.

So when she dropped me off I asked if she wanted company at home - I figured we'd open a bottle of wine and talk our hearts out - but she seemed to want to go off by herself.

Unfortunately, and she knew this and I didn't, it's the last night of this show. I think she herself was more disappointed than me and it added to her unhappiness.

We just don't know what people are going through sometimes or how they may be really feeling, no matter how close we are to them.

So when I got home my daughter was surprised to see me and happened to be on the phone with my mom who was surprised to know that I was back home. So we chatted and I told her what happen and she said, a mosquito bite would have put her over the edge tonight - just not in her normal frame of mind. And added, it wasn't meant to be tonight. Gotta love moms.

BUT she was right. I hated to see my friend go home by herself but respected that she needed to be alone. I just hated the thought of her feeling miserable and wanting to go home and be more miserable...alone. However, I will schedule the next show in the Summer series and its Mihalia.

Mihalia is a gospel musical starring Frenchie Davis, the cast off from American Idol with a powerhouse of a voice. It wasn't our first choice but maybe in some way it will bring some spiritual peace to my friend. I think it will be cool and like mom said, tonight wasn't meant to be, but maybe the gospel play in some freakish way is considering how my friend has been feeling.

Peace all.

It's raining, it's pouring...

2007-07-28T16:54:00.000-04:00

It's just a lazy nap day

How I Really Feel Friday - The Horizon

2007-07-27T08:42:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday Friends!

The boyfriend is away for the weekend for an annual golf trip. I'm looking forward to the alone time because I have a week before my vacation and I need to get organized. My mom, dad, sister, niece, daughter and I are going on a cruise.

That being said, it looks as if dad is having some health issues that would need to be taken care of. My sister and I have had some lengthy discussions about it and she feels he will be stubborn and opt not to pay attention to any of it. She feels he won't go in for open heart having had it before and now knowing what to expect and being that much older. Each time we discuss it I mostly listen to her because I know she's right and at the same time I find it incredibly depressing but don't express that to her because I am the strong one and will need to be when she caves. She has all the medical connections because of her job so right now she's feeling it from a medical perspective and not quite yet from the human perspective. Depressed because he's too young to ignore and if he has this stuff taken care of before he's symptomatic he will fare much better.

I myself have been loaded with various doctor appointments and last week missed an important one because of the dead battery in the car. That one will be at a later date but meanwhile today the G.I. doc that I was referred to see by my regular doc, for preliminary stuff before an endoscope tells me that he'll need to do an endoscope and a colonoscopy. Oh good fun! "I'm not 50!" I declared. He laughed and told me I'll have a free pass for 5 years or more. Honestly the endoscope scared me more than the colonoscopy. As the lady who scheduled it said, "You're going to be double-dipped!"

A short while ago I called my mom to tell her about my appointment and she told me she received a report in the mail from my dad's doc and didn't know how to interpret it. She pretty much stated what my sister has feared, that at this age he won't go in for surgery. I see an intervention on the horizon.

All this medical talk aside, I feel great...life is good...you take each day at a time and cherish every moment.

I would just hate to see (both) my parents make a silly decision that would cut short an otherwise long(er) life.

HNT - A Whisper....

2007-07-25T16:57:00.001-04:00

It's been a long while since I've posted an HNT!
Happy HNT everyone!

A week and 1/2 until C R U I S I N G!

Downward Spiral

2007-07-24T10:37:00.000-04:00

Lindsay Lohan arrested again

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Five days after being booked in connection with a May drunk driving charge, actress Lindsay Lohan was arrested early Tuesday morning on five charges -- including drunk driving and possession of a controlled substance, Santa Monica police told CNN.
Police spokeswoman Calisse Lindsey said police stopped Lohan as she tried to drive out of a parking facility around 1:30 a.m. as she was leaving a party.
The officers smelled alcohol and administered a field sobriety test, which Lohan failed, Lindsey said.
When taken to the police station, the 21-year-old actress registered 0.12 and 0.13 in another test for alcohol levels, the spokeswoman said.
Officers also found a white powdery substance in Lohan's possession which tested positive for opiates, Lindsey said.
Lohan, whose film "I Know Who Killed Me" releases Friday, was charged with two counts of driving under the influence, possession of a controlled substance, bringing a controlled substance into a jail facility, and driving on a suspended license, according to Lindsey.
As of Tuesday morning, she was still in the Santa Monica jail, waiting for her $25,000 bail to be paid, she said.
Last Thursday, Lohan was booked into the Beverly Hills jail on charges of driving under the influence of alcohol and misdemeanor hit and run stemming from an incident in May.
Lohan's stay was only 45 minutes long. She posted a $30,000 bond and was released, according to the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department Web site.
The actress is scheduled to be back in the Beverly Hills Courthouse on August 24 to face her charges.
Early on the morning of May 25, Lohan lost control of her 2005 Mercedes Benz convertible and struck a curb. She received treatment for minor injuries at Century City Doctors hospital, where police cited and arrested her, but then released her on the misdemeanor charges.
Lohan checked out a Malibu rehab treatment center two weeks ago.