When the Devil comes knocking at your door

I can deal with cancer and I can deal with college planning. I am having a hard time though dealing with a child who is being difficult and an ex that I invited to help. It always backfires in some way for me.

All the cancer surgeon asked me to do was eliminate stress and I've had nothing but stress for 2 weeks. A kid who is having difficulty adjusting to campus life. I wish I could be sympathetic but she's not having a hard time fitting in. It's more like the others kids don't measure up to her and her idea of friends. Hard to be sympathetic when dealing with a brat.

She wanted to drive to Providence to visit a friend at school last night. She's been a nightmare in some fashion each and every day. I called the ex to let him know her plans. He called her and told her she can't go. We didn't want her driving their alone, especially for the first time. It was rush hour and about 1-1/2 away.

Of course, she hates me more for telling him. He also told her to be home at a reasonable time last night and asked me to text him when she got home. She got home at 2:50 a.m. He came over today to talk to her and of course she wasn't receptive so he took the plates off her car. Mind you I own the car and its registered in my name. He took the plates with him, he said so I wouldn't cave in. I wouldn't but I'd like to have the plates here to the car that I own and insure.

We are in the works of buying her a much newer car. That topic came up while I was outside with him as he took the plates off the current car. He owes me about $2000 from April to June when she graduated. He doesn't seem to make an attempt to pay me. He told me that when we sell the current car that I can keep the money and we're even. I asked him how that was fair because it was my car. Well, that started a big long thing and him telling me that if I didn't agree he would call the lawyer forcing me to sell my house immediately to give him the remainder of the money I owe him. Child support ended when she graduated. I've been waiting for the money to make some minor repairs to put the house up for sale. He pretty much forces my hand and if I even question him he uses emotional blackmail and holds the house over my head.

He said I was giving him attitude for questioning him. I told him I wouldn't dare give him attitude because I know where it would end up and I continued to sob at the unfairness he throws around. Then he proceeded to say "you wanted the divorce" mind you loudly so the neighbors walking past the house could hear, "so now this is what you get."

I just quietly sobbed and walked in the house. Now knowing how much the kid hates me lately and dealing with the devil I let in to help parent his child. I should have known better.

I can't wait to wrap my head around emptying the house of unneeded stuff and repairing the things that need attention and moving so I never have to have him just walk in when he feels like it; what was once him domain.

College

The kid is off to college....close enough to be home this weekend. I think its going well for her - first week - mood changes every couple days, LOL.

On a serious note, with Breast Cancer Awareness month around the corner, early detection is key! Don't put off those mammograms. I have a journey upon me that I am thinking of as another project in my already busy life. I'm happy to say that it was an early diagnosis but that doesn't change the fact that you hear the doctor's words 'malignant' and 'treatment.'

I usually don't share such personal stuff as this, but I'd like to get the point across to people to please keep your appointments, and schedule appointments annually if you don't already.

Updates

I'm reading the Twilight series based on the recommendations of two friends. It's hard to put down!

It's frigid cold here, after our big snow storm on Monday, and I'm looking forward to this weekend's temperature of about 50 degrees. Current temp = about 18 degrees. It would be nice to be able to wash my car.

Mom's birthday is this weekend. My cousin is coming from New York and we'll surprise her with a little family party and do it up big because she deserves it after the year she had last year. Dad is doing well. My parents have begun planning family vacations for July and Thanksgiving due to his progress. They want all of us to be together before my daughter goes to college and my niece goes off to boarding school.

It's been busy at work and busy at home and I've been trekking along.

18

A Year of Milestones

I turned 50 on January 20th. My sister has been trying to have a big birthday party for me since I was 30. The day before my 30th birthday my father-in-law passed away. She had to cancel my surprise birthday party. On my 40th she was trying to plan something and I could tell and I wasn't in a great place in my life at the time and didn't want a party. I did, but I didn't. So again, she started planning and wanted to do a back yard party last September to throw me off completely. But September was a bad month for dad in the hospital so she put that on hold. So in early January my oldest friend spilled the beans about my sister's plans and she spilled the beans in an attempt to get the party on hold until July when it would be her 50th. 'I don't think so' was spinning in my head and disappointed that she told me about my sister's plans because I love surprises and I wouldn't want anyone to go to any trouble. So I told my sister that the friend told me and of course she was disappointed. I told my sister I didn't want her to go to a lot of trouble and expense. Well the beau caught on to all of this and in his own thoughtful way overtook the whole thing but smartly didn't tell anyone. So last Saturday night I thought we were meeting two couples that we usually go to dinner with at a favorite restaurant. It was a long and tiring day and our reservations weren't until 8:00 p.m. I was dragging. For some unknown reason we couldn't pick up and ride with the friends as they were coming from different directions because the guys worked on Saturday until late...so I was told.

The beau could tell that I was dragging and didn't love that reservations were for 8:00 p.m. although I never said a word about it. We left the house and got to the restaurant just for 8 and were lucky enough to find a front row parking spot. We walk in and the place is crazy crowded and up against the back wall is 25 of my closest friends and I looked at the beau and said, "what is my sister doing here?" At this point, I still didn't get it. And then I said, "Why is she sitting next to your brother-in-law?" "She doesn't know him." and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Talk about slow on the uptake.

He planned the nicest party without a hitch. He couldn't stand the thought of me knowing about a party or helping plan my own party so he took over. It was a great party and I made a few friends at other tables by being a little crazy.

The beginning part of the day was a college tour that my daughter and I planned and we brought my sister and niece. The school is phenomenal and my daughter saw that in the informational part before the tour even began. It was so special that ten minutes in I started to well up with tears because I knew this was the school she belonged in and I wanted her to come to that realization on her own and I knew that she'd be safe and cultivated in this wonderful school. Now this school was about 3rd or 4th on her list so this was a pleasant surprise because by the end of the tour while I was talking to the admissions director, she blurts out "Ma, I wanna go here...what do I have to do?" Thank God the admissions director didn't hear her and I giggled and said, "You don't have to do a thing, they've already accepted you. We just have to send the confirmation letter in saying YES."

At the end of the tour we went into the bookstore and she wanted the hoody sweatshirt with the college name on it. She wore it all day that day with a big smile on her face.

So I was thrilled that she too could see how special this school was. It was a bit of a stretch because its an all girls school and I didn't think she'd bite. But this all girl's small catholic private school in contrast to all the state schools we visited impacted her as much as it impacted me.

My baby turned 18 yesterday. We've both been sick all week. She's been dragging butt to school as not to miss anything major. We're having a family party tomorrow and about 5 of her closest girlfriends are coming too. My sis and niece are still sick as well. I'm guessing last Saturday we were all getting sick and all together walking the campus in the frigid weather so that was the start of it. But my dad and mom, my ex and his mom, hopefully sis and her beau and my niece and the girlfriends will celebrate. My beau is headed to Florida to visit his daughter for her birthday. I have a wonderful chocolate cheesecake in the shape of an "18" and beautiful pink frosted chocolate cupcakes to go around it.

So my last Saturday was special because I was happy in the biggest sense of the word that my daughter found her college and that it was a pleasant surprise coming from fourth place into first place in standings of the schools she chose to apply at. After all of these months reciting what her first choice was. Everything happens for a reason. Her first choice college which we thought was a shoe-in has put her on a wait-list. Thank God she realized she loved the other place before she received the letter from the first choice.

And then being truly surprised at dinner was great. It was overwhelming.

Peaceful...

...and happy.

Making a ton of chili for Super Bowl tomorrow and it smells good.

Went on a college visit today and this is a "surprise" school. It was 3rd on the daughter's list and today's visit was great and its a great school and she's already been accepted there and knows after today's visit that this is where she wants to go even though she hasn't heard from her #1 school yet.

Her #1 school is the only school we haven't heard from and I told her we waited this long, let's wait until we hear but I'm thrilled that she has picked today's school. It's an exceptional school and they have a lot to offer. I know she still will be excited to hear from that one last school but I knew today the first 10 minutes in that today's school is where she belongs and she saw it too.

the snow is coming

We're due to get 10 inches of snow tonight. It's already started.