Saturday, May 31, 2008

Sex and the City

My two best friends and I are going to see Sex and the City today and then out to dinner and Cosmopolitans! I can't wait.

Dad seems better but sleep deprivation and ICU delirium gets the best of him. Hopefully he'll rest better tonight and have a good day tomorrow.

Have a wonderful weekend all.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Dad Update

I haven't been able to blog about it because "living in it" has been exhausting. But I've seen a noticable difference in Dad these past two days where I can see the progress although he's been making progress all along, albeit extremely slow.

He is still in ICU and it's been 5 weeks today!

He has a temporary tracheostomy and today they put a valve on it so he could speak and he said, "How long have I been here?, When can I get out of here? and Why can't I get up and walk?"

I'm hoping he'll be home for Father's Day. His and mom's anniversary is June 6th and they will be married 54 years.
Such an accomplishment!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

$4.09 when I was driving into work today...

Gasoline Prices

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

my breaking point today...

so frustrating.

he ended up off the vent and headed to the step down unit on sunday, BUT, his respirations were rapid and he ended up back in ICU 3 hours later and back on the vent.

he looks so frustrated.

tonight we left about 40 minutes early, as he slept...the moment I got home after dropping off mom, she called me and started to cry saying that the minute we left "crap hit the fan" as he was taken down to surgery to remove a blood clot in his leg.

I asked if she wanted to go back and the doctor told her NO - don't come back to stare at an empty room.

I'm just glad they took care of it tonight and didn't wait until tomorrow.

I wish things would move along more smoothly and quickly. He IS making progress. He may not look happy but we can't help tht. He has ICU delirium.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Happy Mother's Day

to all the moms in blog land.

Off the Ventilator!

They were able to take him off the vent today! No trach...yeah!

He has an oxygen mask on and still has the feeding tube and his voice is very hoarse so when he tries to talk you can't hear him and he gets frustrated BUT he'll be getting better quicker now.

Last night....

...the nurse gave dad "Mr. Thirsty" to suction himself. He kept playing with it. Mom was having a "cow." It was funny.

Today: He will more than likely be "trached" temporarily because he's been on the vent more than 2 weeks. It will help him in the long run. He has a good day breathing and then the next day is rough for him.

Friday, May 09, 2008


A N G R Y is what my dad spelled out on the word/letter board.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Dad Update

Dad is doing well, slowly. He is awake and very much aware and gets his messages to us somehow, as he still has the ventilator. He asked where my daughter was tonight. When she gets out of work at 9 p.m. I'm driving her up there to see him.

My ex and I just spoke to one another on the phone. He works at the hospital and goes in to look at my dad every day. He just told me that he doesn't go up to him by his side because he's afraid and said he hopes he doesn't have any animosity toward him. I'll have to say something to my dad tonight so the ex can visit him up close and personal. The first night of surgery, late at night, the ex was upset when I told him of the complications. I was surprised at how upset he was.

In addition, he offered to fix my mother's car and offered to cut her lawn. I explained to him tonight to not make promises he can't keep. He has every best intention but gets busy, or sidetracked. He said he would do it.

We have a strange relationship and can hardly go very long without speaking to one another. When my battery on my car died a few weeks ago when I was leaving work, (I left the lights on), he came and started it for me. He works not to far from me in the city and it was rush hour and I called him because he leaves work at the same time as I do, and afterall, he gave me this car last year. I knew he wouldn't mind. And it was helpful to me.

He seems to want to impress upon me lately that its important we remain close and comfortable with one another. I told him tonight, he'll be buried next to me. He said, can't get rid of me.

I find this stuff difficult lately. I don't believe he wants more...just this. But I find it difficult lately.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Two weeks today

I couldn't visit my father last night. After the day before I desperately needed a break as it was difficult to watch him, knowing he was in pain from the bronchitis but still with tubes down his throat, looking sad and being feisty. He tried to jump out of bed a few times. Yesterday they sedated him to give him rest as he had done so much the day before and was having trouble breathing because of the bronchitis and the the "gunk" that comes along with it.

My daughter had a concert at school last night so I went to that. Knowing it would be a long night, I took my own car and told her I wouldn't stay all the way to the end. We went for 6:30pm and I watched her sing, and knew she'd sing again later on but left at 7:50pm. I told her ahead of time that she's wonderful and everything but I wasn't going to miss American Idol! She laughed. She knows I'm exhausted. She didn't get home until after 9pm.

I drop mom off at the hospital every morning before 7:30am on my way into work. I just called my sister who works in the medical building attached to the hospital and asked how he was doing today. She said he was able to verbalize (with the tubes in) "help me." Ugh! It's going to be another rough night visiting. I think this is the hardest part knowing he's aware and that the tubes in the throat along with tracheal bronchitis are hurting him.

I head over after work and we stay until about 7:30pm. Then I drive mom home and we do this every day. It's not physically exhausting but it is emotionally exhausting.

He is making progress however. And I keep reminding myself of that.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

A special nurse

This picture represents her nickname.

She is very special, not like any nurse I've met before. She is so warm, maybe too much because I don't know how she can go home and leave it all behind. When I say she loves her patients...she speaks to their face...even when the rest of us aren't sure they can hear and see us. She kisses dad on the forehead, several times in a row. Its the nicest thing to see. (as if it was her dad.) Then she hugs mom and says goodbye because her shift is over. Then she gives me a big hug and a kiss. I've just met her. Her warmth overwhelmed me.

Please understand, in the past when I worked in healthcare and since then, I have known many wonderful nurses. They are all wonderful caregivers and exceptional human beings. This lady has a quality that makes her stand out. I'm not sure I could put it into words - this quality that she has. Her actions are not superficial. When she walked away she seemed as touched as I was. I knew I had crossed paths with someone special.

Cinco De Mayo

I'm making a Mexicali Ground Beef Casserole for dinner to celebrate Cinco De Mayo. I can't wait to try it, I've never made it before. Ground beef, onions, diced mexican style tomatoes, and corn mixed together and then a layer of mexican cheese blend with a top layer of corn bread. Think of mexican shepherd's pie or mexican lasagna.

Dad Update #3

His eyes are open! But he's a little out of it. One minute I think he knows and sees me and then I'm not so sure. But he responds to my mom's questions and nods and does what she asks...move your arm, nod your head. He has tracheal bronchitis so they can't remove the ventilator too soon. He can't cough like we do but I can tell when he's coughing by the way his belly moves and then his eyebrows furrow and he winces like its painful. That bothers me. The nurses gave him some pain meds upon my request last night.

I have to keep telling myself that he's made amazing progress in a week's time and that this is now the hardest part because he's awake and we can see what's bothering him. The chest incision doesn't cause him pain, the bronchitis does. They tell me this morning that he's sitting up in a chair. My mom, the cheerleading physical therapist (not really, it's just her nature) has been helping him move his arms and legs for therapy (one of the nurses figured if she was going to spend all her time there she'd put her to good use) until he wiggled himself into a sideways uncomfortable position while sitting up in a big chair. I guess he was in that chair for a couple hours so they put him back in bed after he kind of swayed over.

No matter how small, this is all progress.

Thank you for your thoughts/comments - it means the world :)

Friday, May 02, 2008


ICU is a sad place.
A 36 year old woman had quadruple bypass surgery. It runs in her family. Her sister had to have it when she was 32.
A 53 year old man waiting for a heart. His wife said, "He won't let go." He's been waiting there for 6 months.
An older european gentleman, not sure other than general "heart" stuff why he's there, has also been there 6 months according to the wife of the 53 year old.
Be thankful every day.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Dad: Update #2

He's still on a ventilator and still "out of it" (drug induced) because he has a fever. He's made great strides in a week and they said, fever and pneumonia are all to be expected and doesn't worry them. So they're treating him for pneumonia although its not a certainty. They can't wake him until they're ready to remove him from the vent.

Mom says he looks good this morning and the fever went down. My sister says he looks like himself today which is good.

My goal is to have them remove that vent before another week goes by.