The tricky business of being divorced...

My daughter turns 16 next Monday :)
She's the light of my life.
In a couple weeks, during school vacation, I'm taking her and her two bestfriends shopping and to a special dinner down by the shore. This is what she chose for a birthday outing.
All the other kids at school are having big bashes at a hall with D.J.'s for their Sweet 16.
She doesn't like to copy.
This Sunday she has religious education from 9:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. as prep to her upcoming confirmation.
While she is at church the immediate family is coming over and waiting for her to arrive. She has no idea. We will have our family party. Family includes Grandma and Grandpa (my parents), my sister and her beau and her daughter. I also asked her two best girlfriends and another very good friend of hers to come over and join us. They were delighted.
I asked my ex if he and his mom would like to come. I wanted it to be special - it is her 16th! I want her to be happy and have all of her family there.
He was not intending on bringing his girlfriend. I asked, "She won't mind?"
He said no. This could mean many things...like he wouldn't tell her or she's working or he just wants to come see his daughter on her birthday and is uncomfortable bringing her to "our" old house.
It seemed to work out (and this was only yesterday) because my beau was supposed to go to Vermont for the weekend.
But, now he's not. Plans changed.
So when I was talking to the ex I let him know that my beau would be there this weekend.
And now, he's not coming. He also blurted out, "It's me or him, pick!" Now he doesn't mean this in a romantic way but simply that I should pick who's coming. I said I wouldn't do that. That I'm having a party for my daughter's birthday and he and his mom are welcome and I'm not going to tell my beau he can't come. He did say, "Nothing against the guy, I like him, but it makes me uncomfortable."
Which I totally understand.
I feel badly but I don't feel guilty. It's his choice. I thought it big of me to invite them as it's not the most comfortable thing for me either. But I wanted to include everyone for MY DAUGHTER!
Anyway, he hung up on me. We didn't have angry words. He sounded more hurt which is what bothered me. BUT, I can't let him rule me - I'm free of that now!
He never did it in an obvious way, at all. But in hindsight he was quite good at manipulating me.
Anyway, all I can say is that I hope he changes his mind and comes.
If not, then I hope he has a celebration of his own with his mom and girlfriend and my kid.

Martini Afternoon, Part II

Before the party....during the party - martini's poured...and Bailey and Jasmine peering at one another through the glass. My girlfriend brings her 11 year old Lab every where she goes. He had his spleen removed earlier this week. He looks great, you'd never know he had surgery and he doesn't look 11. But my cats would have heart attacks if we let him in so they looked at one another through the door all afternoon. Now it's 5:45pm and I have to get ready as we're going out to dinner with 2 other couples at a German Restaurant. I'm neither hungry nor could I fathom having an alcholic beverage :)

Martini Afternoon

It's 18 degrees outside and nothing better to do than host a little martini gathering this afternoon.

The girls are coming over and we'll have antipasto, chicken quesadillas, and lemon pound cake with raspberries on top. But the main attraction of the afternoon is Lavendertinis!

I'll post photos of the fallout!

HNT - Party Toes

Work has been crazy-busy so in lieu of not posting any photo I chose this photo from Summer vacation simply to participate. Happy HNT everyone! Stay warm!

Nice birthday weekend

Dinner with friends last night...went to see a band we like and then home.
Part Deux tonight with family and the whole cake thing.

Circa 1960-ish

I'm guessing I was about a year old or slightly older in this photo (Me - on the right).

Birthday HNT

I'm the one in the arms of my aunt.
My sister is on the bottom left (what's with that hat?).
My mother is standing behind her.
My cousin is on the bottom right.
My birthday is Saturday, January 20th. My beau has made dinner plans and an evening out following with friends. I hope the weather holds up as we're expecting a storm Friday into Saturday. Happy HNT everyone! For more info on HNT, go here: Osbasso

There's only one thing worse than a broken heart...

My daughter has mid-terms this week. She was studying last night. I fell asleep in bed but woke up, instinctively, at midnight and looked out into the hallway and saw her just going into the bathroom to shower. I asked why it was so late and she was just getting into the shower. She said she was studying and walked into the bathroom and then closed the door.

One second later the door opened and she started crying, never making eye contact with me and said, "I miss Erik." My heart quickly sank and my stomach immediately went into sick mode. I asked, "Are things not going well?" and she said, "They haven't been." I guess they've been talking on the phone the last three days and things aren't going well.

I put my arms around her trying to console her and she laid next to me for about 10 minutes. I couldn't find anything to say that would make the moment better for her. So I said nothing. I knew if she wanted to talk more about it she would. I held her tight and rubbed her back and head.

She went into the shower and when she came out she slept in my bed, clutching the Teddy Bear that Erik had given her on their anniversary. By this time I was watching Leno and Letterman because now my stomach was upside down for her. Our backs were to one another and I didn't want to bring up conversation unless she was willing. I was more concerned with her being able to sleep. I could hear quiet little sniffles. I continued to watch Conan with one hand on her back. She fell asleep. And now I'm writing about it with my stomach still in knots.

They dated for a year and right after the one year mark when he headed off to college and the Homecoming event at school came around I noticed a marked difference but kind of expected that with him going off to college now. I didn't know who to worry more about, him or her. She's strong and he seemed to lack a little confidence when it came to their relationship, being a little insecure at times. I would ask her about the relationship and she would only say, "Don't worry mom, we have it under control." She wasn't willing to discuss it more so I would tell her I just wished I understood. They weren't hanging out as much and I didn't notice a lot of phone conversations. I was proud of them because for young kids they were very respectful of one another, were a joy to watch together and seemed to be maintaining a friendship. And now it seems that there's very little contact and she's sad.

I always dreaded the thought of her having a broken heart and so now you see that the only thing worse than a broken heart is watching your child suffer a broken heart.

TMI Tuesday

1) What are three mistakes someone could make on the first date with you that would automatically make you turn down a second date with them?

Be overly aggressive

Be arrogant or rude

Be mean to someone, ie) wait staff

2) Pick an animal that best displays your personality. :)

A loyal canine

3) If your s.o. stopped having sex with you, how long would you stay?

Hard to answer – depends on the love/hope factor – depends on the reason ie) emotional vs. physical vs. out of love, etc.

4) Are you more passive or aggressive when the relationship becomes physical?

I can be both – depends on the mood or the recipient, passion

5) Have you ever been INSIDE a store that sold adult themed toys and videos?

Yes – with a bunch of women I used to work with, shopping for another girl’s bridal shower, and quite a diversified group of ladies re: religion, age, etc.

Bonus: What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a "friends with benefits" relationship? How about men?

50/50 – I think we under estimate people and what goes on behind closed doors. I think everyone is capable of this one depending upon their current situation/status. I think this is more prevalent than when we were kids (speaking to those over 40!)

In memory...

I will remember you

Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

(by sarah mclachlan, seamus egan, and dave merenda)

Kitteh: Mitch

My birthday

Love Shadows HNT

Love...in the afternoon sun ~ HNT #16