How I Really Feel Friday

Alas, Friday is here!

The kid got her license and has ventured out on her own a couple times. She couldn't be happier.

I should have a car by Tuesday so I can give her my car.

We're leaving for a wedding tomorrow and will be back Sunday. Unfortunately the bride's father passed away of illness last Friday and was buried this Wednesday. The overtone of the wedding will be sadness for the bride I'm sure. My heart crushes every time I think of how she must feel right now.

The beau's dad is not well and it doesn't seem have much time. He'll be staying home this weekend. The doctor's suggested removing him from the respirator at this time.

The ex is offering me a car so I'm taking him up on that offer. He also offered to come and do maintenance on the riding mower early tomorrow so I can cut the lawn. He knows the beau's busy with pressing family stuff.

This week was a rollercoaster and I'm sure it's not over yet.

Blog buddies: Have a wonderful and safe and happy weekend!

Perspective and uh a good lay...

...so isn't it funny how quickly women can change their minds?

I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop for about 3 years now but the beau is a pretty solid realible guy. I was ready to write him off. Possibly with an overactive thought process and lack of intimacy due to mostly his busy schedule the past three weeks.

He came over tonight when I wasn't expecting him. Probably because I ignored his "good morning" work e-mail. Of course I fibbed and said I didn't see it because after all I went to work for 7 a.m. this morning for a meeting that lasted to 3 p.m. I knew he would forget that I told him my schedule for the day but it worked to my favor with the fib.

So it seems he didn't give me all the details yesterday for bowing out of the wedding but even since that there has been new developments about his dad's health that made me unable to keep up my anger/hurt. Of course, I wasn't fair enough to tell him I was hurt in the first place.

His kids won't have their cousins to hang with Saturday night so he wants to be around. Granted they are old enough to not have him there overnight but just today it was decided that his dad is not improving, not worsening but is unresponsive and needs to be taken off the respirator as they don't see him improving at this point. He doesn't know exactly when it will happen...tomorrow, the next day, next week. So he plans to stick close by. He'll leave work tomorrow and take all the kids to an amusement park. He'll visit his dad at the end of the day and maybe tomorrow he'll know more about what was decided and when.

He did say that he very much wanted to go the wedding but doesn't want the kids to be hanging so much at his sister's who is slowly starting to melt from the news of her father and being a constant companion to the mother. I'm not sure she's left the mom's side since last Friday when he was brought to the hospital. Good ol' Jane. She's like that - the one who'll be there always.

He did mention again though that he hasn't golfed yet with his son!!! Men! Oh well. I guess when you haven't had any in a few weeks the mind starts to run on overtime. I was looking for faults. Waiting for the shoe to drop. Imagining he was less interested.

So I had a double-whammy since I got home from work today. TAKE YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER!

The ex came over an announced that he is going to give me - register to me - his little Honda so that I can drive it so the kid can drive my car which is more suitable for a new driver. He said I can continue to try to sell it (that was our collective plan) or keep it if I like it. He said its a fun little car and gets good gas mileage and really likes to drive it and said I may decide to just hang onto it. Here's a photo.I thought that was really generous and decent of him. He wanted to give it to the kid - but she's not interested because its standard shift and everytime she's tried to drive it - she simply can't. We both agreed she'd be better off in my car. I thanked him and we talked. Boy, when we get along we get along but when we don't, we don't.

So about an hour or so later I sent him a text message that said "Thank you - seems like the best solution and I'm very happy that she'll be driving my car"

He calls me an hour later and says, "Did you get my text message?" "No - I didn't get any text messages." "Oh, I'll resend it." "Why don't you just tell me what you were texting." Laughs and hangs up. Translation: Must be really fresh. I can just imagine...and I still haven't gotten it. Wonder how long it takes him to figure out how to send that message properly. Wonder if it went to someone else.

Well, it's official....

...my kid got her license and I just let her take the car all by herself to go to work and visit a friend after work. I won't be sleeping until she returns.

I'm so intuitive that I scare myself sometimes

Nice comments folks - those who responded to the last post and seem to be able to read between the lines.

I have a wedding this coming Saturday about an hour-and-a-half away. My cousin's son is getting married. (Sidebar: the bride's father passed last Friday of cancer - only 46 - and they buried him yesterday. My heart crushes for her. I knew she'd be advised to go on with their plans.)

My beau's kids are here from Florida. His son is 18 and his daughter is 17. They weren't expected to stay until July 2nd but extended their trip. So when we accepted this wedding invitation they would have been gone before the event. I offered to the beau last week to bow out. He said no. My parents, my sister and her beau and my niece, my beau, my daughter and I were all driving to this wedding Saturday afternoon. We were just going to make it for the reception at 5:30pm and were skipping church at 2pm, seeing that we were driving and there's such a lapse in-between. We're staying overnight and I booked and paid for quite an expensive hotel. The two girls were staying at my aunt's along with my parents.

Last night at 9 p.m. the beau called me. Our conversation ended with him telling me he wasn't going to the wedding. His father has been ill and is in the hospital again, but he thinks his dad will be fine but said he wasn't going because he hasn't golfed with his son yet and his sister takes on so much with the mom and being with her simply for emotional support while the dad is in the hospital that he wanted to be around.

1. "Sorry" was never mentioned.
2. I offered to give him an "out" a week ago when I could have called my cousin and had them cancel a meal.
3. He's not staying home because the father's life hangs in the balances (?)
4. His kids are 17 and 18!!!
5. I told him weeks ago to mention to his sister that we had this wedding on this weekend.
6. His kids stay and sleep at the sister's house to be with their cousins constantly and hate sleeping at their grandmother's house. Probably because their mother, his ex, was good at alienating my beau's family, which he let occur.
7. His kids come here and don't spend any quality time with him. (Other then him driving them around!) Infact he almost doesn't see them because they spend all their time with their cousins at his sister's house. A pet peeve of mine. Would it be too much trouble to spend time with your dad who flew you here...who flew you here a couple weeks ago to attend a concert...the same concert you bought 3 different sets of tickets, with his credit card, trying to better your seats and neglecting to tell him until he saw his statement.
8. The reality is that he will stay home and his kids will still spend their time at his sister's house when his supposed purpose for staying home was to give her a break from doing so much else due to the situation with the dad. She will insist because they're all big and its no trouble and they keep each other occupied.
9. Their beach week, his and his siblings, started Father's Day. Instead of visiting with their dad on what might be his last Father's Day they spent their weekend at the beach. I wondered why last year they weren't home with their dad whose health first took a turn for the ugly last Father's Day. (It's only a 40 minute ride from the beach).

My feelings are hurt. I did not let it show. (I'm not demanding and I'm not a beotch and I wasn't willing to go into it last night - caught me off guard and quite honestly it felt like the kiss of death...for him. I'm peeved. Been there, done that, not doing it again.

So the few comments I received on last post mentioned "hope you feel better." I feel fine - I won't let this sort of thing make me crumble. I think when you've had a high-maintenance spouse prior, and I can only speak for myself, you don't have the energy to squabble, even over little things. I don't anyway.

Don't get me wrong. First time I've ever been mad about anything with him and its been 3 years. But I've been letting things compound, even if only in my head, recently. He's a great guy in many ways. Maybe just not for me and/or maybe as I suspected from day one - I'm just not ready.

So the only question I have for you is: Do you know a nice guy?

I think I'm over IT...

I don't know if I've had a major bug up my a$$ or if I'm reading too much into it or if its just the way I feel and its coming to surface BUT I'd rather be alone.

Concert - Doobie Bros./Lynard Skynard

Great Concert tonight - Hartford, Connecticut














Doobie Bros. were awesome and Lynard Skynard rocked the house - it was one kick ass concert.

How I Really Feel Friday - Early Edition - The Beach

How I'm spending my Friday

A much needed day off
headed to the beach
first thing in the morning
(after Starbuck's of course)
to spend time with the beau
and his siblings and their children
three houses in a row
on the water
pure bliss
Relaxing on the sand on the water front
there will be eating and drinking
and a huge dinner at a wonderful restaurant
at the end of the day
to celebrate the end of their vacation week

Happy Father's Day

How I Really Feel Friday ~ Doctor, Doctor or God it Sux to Get Old

I had an annual physical this a.m.

I thought I'd fess up to the high blood pressure that I've been having since the beginning of the year...seeing that they're going to take my blood pressure and find out anyway. I who usually have a very good blood pressure reading.

Long story short - I'm scheduled next week (and beyond) for a battery of fun as ordered by the doctor. Ya know, I have to go see a cardiologist (because he heard my heart skip a beat and then ran an EKG and then had it documented), extensive blood work, an ultrasound of my bladder (you know these docs - they get carried away - just because of a little high blood pressure they want to make sure you're not going into renal failure!)

Oh, and let's not forget the gastroenterologist! To find out exactly why I have to take Prilosec every day...if I really have reflux or what else it might be.

Then he checks my chart for my age and I know what he's thinking and I beat him to the punch and announce "I won't be 50 for a couple of years and won't be having a colonscopy until then!"

So I woke up feeling great, and really...left there feeling great. As I was driving to work I was absorbing all that I heard and couldn't help but let depression seep in. Is this what I have to look forward to?

I see him again in 8 weeks or so for a blood pressure check and have to start taking medication for that. As my beau said, "Welcome to Club Med!"

So thanks to family history for the gamut of cardiac tests.

The Lost Child

My daughter has been working at a local clothing store since Spring. Last night I had to pick her up at 9:00 p.m. I was dozing in my chair and woke up a few minutes before 9 and quickly took off to pick her up.

When I get to the store I mildly panic as I see 4 police cars in front of the building and a police canine running around the building. I'm thinking someone tried to steal from the store and the dog is hot on the trail of the person who ran out the door. A few seconds later the cops all dash in their cars and take off down the turnpike with their lights on and I'm thinking, they got a call where the guy was headed.

Meanwhile, my daughter comes out of the store nonchalantly and rolls her eyes and says, "You won't believe what happened!"

I make her quickly tell me as I'm still thinking she was in harm's way.

It seems that a woman was shopping with her mother and 3-year-old daughter and misplaced her daughter. This happened about an hour before the store closed. Once she realized she couldn't find her kid she started screaming out her name and yelling that she lost her child and even went as far as to accuse an elderly couple for taking the child.

Staff searched the store and called the police and NO kid! An announcement came over the PA system to check under the clothing racks and eventually my daughter, another girl who works there and a random mom who was shopping found the little girl sleeping under this very low rack snuggled with her teddy bear and soccer ball. My daughter said she was the cutest little thing you ever did see and couldn't imagine how she could sleep through all the commotion.

The down side to the story is that when we were almost home the road was closed off and they were detouring all the cars as there was a bad accident and that is the reason why the cops took off with their lights on. I've been unable to find out details of the accident - it's a small town and everybody knows everybody. But I took that opportunity to instill in my kid to be a safe driver and please just call me if she's with kids and they shouldn't be driving. She gets her license at the end of the month.

She seemed to understand for the very first time how unimaginable it must have been for the mother who lost (temporarily) her child. I knew if I took that I could use it to impress upon her the whole driving thing.

53 Days 'til Cruise

I'm booking an excursion for a

Stingray encounter

where we go in the water and

feed the stingrays - can't wait!

How I Really Feel Friday - Alas

Alas, the weekend is here.

The diet is going well - at least 5 pounds off since I started.

The beau's daughter flys up from Florida for the weekend. He flew her here so she could go to a Fall Out Boy's concert. The "mother" wouldn't let her go earlier in the year and even passed up a 2nd time when the kid's friend was offering her a free ticket. But now it's okay...the beau flew her up and the kid purchased 3 sets of tickets with his credit card, trying to improve her concert seats each time and was only satisfied when she got "pit" tickets.

What the princess doesn't know is that my kid and her best friend, and my sister and her daughter get to go along courtesy of all the extra tix she bought using her dad (my beau's) credit card.

I think she'll figure it out on the way to the concert in the car when they're all together.

On Wednesday night the beau's ex told him that the kid might not be able to come up for the weekend because she might be scheduled to work. Ha! Don't ya love games that the exes play? She pushed his buttons so much that he made the kid give him the phone number of the employer so he could call and let them know that she had these plans and told them so when she was hired. It didn't seem to be a problem with them at all.

Which made me wonder...was the ex having 2nd thoughts about letting her kid attend the concert...I mean seeing that she resisted so much earlier in the year. Who knows.

Anyway it will be like salt in the wound for the kid if she figures out that my kid is going courtesy of her dad as she doesn't like my kid. And she doesn't want to travel together with them to the concert. Ain't life a bitch? That issue merited a special phone call earlier in the week..."Daddy, why didn't you tell me?"

Well, no one's perfect and I'm sure there's things about my kid that drive him crazy but i can tell you this...I'M GLAD THAT'S NOT MY KID!

What I do know is that my kid would never keep ordering tickets using my credit card and neglect to tell me. It wouldn't even get as far as the credit card usage. For that I am grateful.

Have a good weekend everybody.